Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Archive for the ‘Sarcastic’ Category

22 Jul, 2009

Different Types of Bacon?

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

Would you believe some people do not know that different types of bacon exist? Where have these people LIVED all their lives? In a cave? In a van down by the river? Under a rock NEXT to the van down by the river?

Thankfully we have come to the aid of those unfortunate and uneducated souls. Below you will find a pretty good explanation of the different types/forms of bacon.

Pay attention because this WILL be on the TEST later. lol.

  • Streaky bacon comes from the belly of a pig. It is very fatty with long veins of fat running parallel to the rind. This is the most common form of bacon in the United States. Pancetta is Italian streaky bacon, smoked or aqua (unsmoked), with a strong flavour. It is generally rolled up into cylinders after curing. In America unsmoked streaky bacon is often referred to as side pork.
  • Back bacon comes from the loin in the middle of the back of the pig. It is a lean meaty cut of bacon, with relatively less fat compared to other cuts and has a ham-like texture and flavour. Most bacon consumed in the United Kingdom is back bacon. Also called Irish bacon or Canadian Bacon.
  • Middle bacon is much like back bacon but is cheaper and somewhat fattier, with a richer flavour.
  • Cottage bacon is thinly sliced lean pork meat from a shoulder cut that is typically oval shaped and meaty. It is cured and then sliced into round pieces for baking or frying.
  • Jowl bacon is cured and smoked cheeks of pork.
  • Bacon joints include the following:

  • Collar bacon is taken from the back of a pig near the head.
  • Hock, from the hog ankle joint between the ham and the foot.
  • Gammon, from the hind leg, traditionally “Wiltshire cured”.
  • Picnic bacon is from the picnic cut, which includes the shoulder beneath the blade. It is fairly lean, but tougher than most pork cuts.
  • ( source )

    No go forth into the world with your newly acquired bacon knowledge… and try not to fall flat on your face.

    22 Jul, 2009

    Barney’s Gourmet Burger!

    Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

    We salute you, Barney, for makling a burger piled high with bacon! We have not figured out exactly HOW a person would FIT that thing in their mouth, but anyways… It’s a gorgeous looking burger with plenty of bacon!

    Barney's Gourmet Burger

    21 Jul, 2009

    BeerOrKid.Com’s Famous Bacon Flowchart

    Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

    OK, so we feel sooooo much better knowing that people other than ourselves have gone through a decision-making nightmare involving bacon as complex as the one illustrated on this Bacon Flowchart.

    We no longer feel like total losers… though honestly, we probably ought to. LOL.

    21 Jul, 2009

    More Bacon, Please!

    Posted by: admin In: Blakk Frogg Speaks|Humor|Sarcastic

    www.MoreBaconPlease.com

    Oops. It looks like another idiotic bacon web site has popped up. Why do we call the site idiotic? Because we know the bastards responsible for it, that’s why!

    Seriously… Did you REALLY think WE would DARE make fun of something without good reason?

    Hmmm… Scratch that last question. But anyways, www.MoreBaconPlease.com takes bacon and other tasty meat treats and tells you about them with a sarcastic, obnoxious attitude. So deal with it. Ha ha…

    Oh, and up your nose with a pair of bacon-scented pantyhose!

    Sorry, but the content from this page had to move…

    to Americas Best Comments & Jokes Blog

    Oh, for the love of ANYthing Holy… Why the heck didn’t someone tell Blakk Frogg before now that he could get a Humping Dog for the unused/extra USB ports on his computer?

    All these years his USB ports have remained empty for NO reason. Poor, poor unhumped USB ports… Soon your celibate days will come to an end!

    30 Jun, 2009

    Motorcycle Helmets vs. Smoking

    Posted by: admin In: Blakk Frogg Speaks|Sarcastic

    Time and time again people preach to me about the virtues wearing a helmet while riding a motorcycle. I know the risks of not wearing a helmet. They SCARE me, yes, and I ride cautiously BECAUSE of my fear.

    For those not understanding that statement, let me re-phrase: The idea of having my valuable brains splattered all over the pavement makes me ride more carefully and watch out for all those coffee-drinking, cellphone-using, cracked-out, jamming-to-the-beat and eating a croissant bungholes in their automobiles — ‘cuz they ain’t watchin’ for me!


    Sarcastic MySpace Comments

    What does smoking have to do with this? More people die and get sick in a year from smoking than die on motorcycles in a year from not wearing a helmet — and yet SMOKERS have the NERVE to preach to ME about not wearing a helmet. “You’re gonna’ DIE doing that! It’s WRONG and DANGEROUS!” they say.

    Hmmm… If I wreck on my bike and splatter my grey matter on the highway, only I get hurt and/or die. When a smoker lights up, the Surgeon General says EVERYONE exposed to the smoke from their cigarette, pipe, cigar, etc.

    So please TELL me WHY smokers feel as though they have the RIGHT and DUTY to preach about safety when they habitually destroy THEIR lives and those of EVERYONE else around them?

    When I choose to ride w/o a helmet I take MY life into my hands — and not for a cheap chemical high. Smokers have an addiction that causes them to take the rest of the world out with them.

    So, folks, the next time you see me or anyone else riding w/o a helmet, instead of of muttering curses and curse words about how dumb we are, thank us for possibly removing ourselves, and ONLY our (stupid) selves from the gene pool.


    Americas Best MySpace Motorcycles Comments

    With us gone you will have that much more free time to stop and really enjoy the cigarette smoke from the guy next to you — that’s killing YOU, your FAMILY, your PETS… Get the point yet?


    Sarcastic MySpace Comments

    Sorry, but the content from this page had to move…

    to Americas Best Comments & Jokes Blog

    04 Jun, 2009

    Little Johnny Joke… Beauty

    Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

    “Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked.

    “To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

    “What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

    I’d like to extend a giant ‘thank you’ to the bonehead in the black Maxima on I26 this morning near Cayce, SC around 7:25 AM. From the exterior of your vehicle it seemed as though you really do take pride in the appearance and cleanliness of your car. Therefore it should not have surprised me one bit that you just HAD to toss an empty plastic cup out your window as you sped merrily down the highway. The presence of that no longer useful cup certainly would have ruined the pristine interior of your oh-so-special vehicle.

    In hindsight, though… Silly me, thinking you might actually CARE right now that your careless action caused the startled driver of a minivan to swerve into my lane when the cup took a sharply angled bounce off the highway and struck their windshield unexpectedly.

    Thankfully as soon I saw your punk ass litter like that I reduced my speed as soon as I saw your pudgy, fat fingers drop the plastic cup out the window so the minivan came over into my lane, yes, but I had already gotten back a safe distance from the scene of the crime.

    Therefore no collision took place. No thanks to you, though, my idiotic litterbug friend.

    Oh, how I wish I had gotten that Maxima’s license plate number. In the midst of all my cursing I neglected to speed up and tailgate the bastard so that I could jot down the plate number hidden under that dark, smoke-colored license plate cover. Someday I hope to have one of those so that I, too, can drop whatever I want out of my windows, nearly cause accidents, get away with it ‘cuz no one can read my license plate or see in my ultra cool tinted windows.

    And finally, to you, dark colored Maxima driver, I say, “Go to Hell, ya’ rotten bastard! You coulda’ killed someone this morning. Prick!”

    I didn’t stutter, did I?


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    About This Site


    First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


    • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
    • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
    • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]