Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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THE BOSS WALKED INTO THE OFFICE ONE MORNING NOT KNOWING THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN AND HIS FLY AREA WAS WIDE OPEN.

HIS SECRETARY WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID “BOSS, THIS MORNING WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR HOUSE, DID YOU CLOSE YOUR GARAGE DOOR?”

THIS WAS NOT A PHRASE THAT HER BOSS UNDERSTOOD, SO HE WENT INTO HIS OFFICE LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED.

WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE WITH HIS PAPERWORK HE SUDDENLY NOTICED THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN. HE ZIPPED UP AND REMEMBERING WHAT HIS SECRETARY HAD TOLD HIM EARLIER, HE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD. HE INTENTIONALLY WENT OUT TO ASK FOR A CUP OF COFFEE FROM HIS SECRETARY.

HAVING MORE EGO THAN SENSE, HE WALKED TO HER DESK, SMIRKED AND ASKED HER, “WHEN YOU SAW THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN DID YOU SEE MY HUMMER PARKED IN THERE?”

THE SECRETARY SMILED FOR A MOMENT AND SAID, “NO BOSS, I DIDN’T. ALL I SAW WAS A MINI COOPER WITH 2 FLAT TIRES.”

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FEMALE GEOGRAPHY

– Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Afrca : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.

– Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.

– Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.

– Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.

– Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is the only answer.

– Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.

– Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.

– After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan : many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there…

MALE GEOGRAPHY

– Between 15 and 70, a man is like the USA : ruled by a dick…

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”

— Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady — and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)

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1. We know what you’re doing when you put your hand in your pocket.

2. If you’re funny, we will sleep with you.

3. If, while driving, you check yourself out in the rearview more that you check us out, we will never get into another car with you.

4. When you see a woman chewing gum, she is counting. Next time you see a woman chewing gum, ask her what number she’s up to.

5. It’s sexy when you cook for us. Unless you’re wearing an apron, then it’s just weird.

6. It’s the circumference stupid! The numerical measurement of the bra has nothing to do with the size of our boobs.

7. Never take credit for something we did. Unless that something is farting, we’ll never raise our hands on that one.

8. The fact that you hesitate before using our razor because it’s pink and might make you look gay is equal parts cute and pathetic.

9. It’s not our period that’s making us moody, it’s you.

10. If you ask a woman to spend the night and she says no, accept it. Don’t try to convince her by offering her breakfast. Any woman that is swayed by the prospect of an omlette probably isn’t a keeper.

11. We order our salad dressing on the side because we are control freaks. We can’t control you, so we control lettuce.

12. We do not like it when you pound on the bathroom door and say “is everything ok in there?” Trust us, you do not want to know what’s going on in there.

13. PMS is real. It’s chemical and it sucks. If someone told you that you would be repeatedly kicked in the balls every thirty days, you’d probably get moody around day twenty-six too.

14. Women have a sixth sense, like Santa Claus, we know if you’ve been bad or good. So you know what to do….. for goodness sake.

15. Fast dancing with you is like watching a stray dog trot down the interstate. We pray for a miracle but know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a horrific tragedy is about to occur. That is why we prefer fast dancing with our girlfriends. It has nothing to do with secret lesbian desires.

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?”

Peter said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show Us your good manners?”

I would say: “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to meet after dinner.”

The teacher fainted.

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Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”

His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”

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