Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

<a href="http://www.Americas-Best.com/myspace-comments-blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"><img src="http://www.americasbestmyspace.com/myspace-comments/pics_never-call-her-a-bad-cook.jpg" width="400" height="300" border="1" alt="Americas Best MySpace Comments Blog -- Free MySpace Comments"><br /><strong>Visit Americas-Best.Com for…</strong></a><br /><em>Funny/Sexy/Sarcastic/Stupid MySpace Comments</em>

Sometimes fate has a cruel sense of humor and finds a way to put distance between a person and what matters most in their life: Bacon.

Thanks to all the recent developments in Bacon Technology times like these no longer have to rob a person of the flavor they love. See below for an example of a real-life situation where a scientific bacon breakthrough can save your… bacon:

Example: You wake up later than usual one morning with a throbbing headache most likely caused by the… pollen and pollution in the air. All those imported beers or stiff drinks you had the night before (until 2 AM) had nothing to do with it.

You barely have enough time to shower, get dressed, and get out the door. Fortunately for you, though, you boiled some eggs the night before (while drunk) thinking you would have plenty of time to cook some bacon, sit down with a few eggs, have somewhat of a normal breakfast, and read the newpaper headlines.

Cancel THAT play, ya’ stinkin’ lush. Now you will have to eat the hard boiled eggs on the way to work or get in trouble for getting there late — again. You, my friend, have successfully screwed yourself out of bacon this morning.

Or have you? Maybe not! You’ll STILL have to eat the eggs on your way to work… but if you pour some bacon salt in the baggie with the eggs, and shake appropriately, you’ll get some bacon flavor in every bite!

Thank you, bacon salt, for saving the day! We love you!

What better reason to have a giant liquidation sale than… Divorce?!?

<a href="http://www.Americas-Best.com/myspace-comments-blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"><img src="http://www.americasbestmyspace.com/myspace-comments/pics_needs-money-now.jpg" width="344" height="207" border="1" alt="Americas Best MySpace Comments Blog -- Free MySpace Comments"><br /><strong>Visit Americas-Best.Com for…</strong></a><br /><em>Funny/Sexy/Sarcastic/Stupid MySpace Comments</em>

While scanning through the internet for bacon links and bacon articles just now we located an article on the LA Times Web Site containing a link to the Giant Beast of a Bacon Sandwich.

This proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that bacon love exists on the West Coast, too. We always suspected it, but now we have proof.

We love it when a Bacon Plan comes together.

Don’t you?

The other day I found myself in a ‘down and out’ kind of mood and just did not know what to do with myself — so I did nothing and laid around the house most of the day feeling sorry for myself.

On several occasions my girlfriend had tried to cheer me up by comforting me and all that good stuff, but for some reason I just couldn’t snap out of the funky rut in which my mind had gotten itself stuck.

Then, as a final and desperate attempt to bring me back from the Land of Despair, she slipped into… the kitchen and began cooking a few lonely strips of bacon.

Within seconds of smelling that wonderful smoky scent in the air I immediately perked up and asked, “Uh, dear? I think I smell some market bacon cooking. No complaints here, but what possessed you to cook bacon at this hour of the afternoon? That’s not like you.”

“I did it… for you,” she replied.

Damn… my heart melted like bacon grease on a hot stove.

note: This article has zero medical worth despite the fact that bacon kicks ass and takes names!

<a href="http://www.Americas-Best.com/myspace-comments-blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"><img src="http://www.americasbestmyspace.com/myspace-comments/pics_need-beer.jpg" width="400" height="213" border="1" alt="Americas Best MySpace Comments Blog -- Free MySpace Comments"><br /><strong>Visit Americas-Best.Com for…</strong></a><br /><em>Funny/Sexy/Sarcastic/Stupid MySpace Comments</em>

Rotten meat goes to waste (Photo: Tina Fineberg/AP Wide World)

We apologize in advance for this posting not having anything to do with bacon… but we believe the title of this entry ought to piss you off, plain and simple — even if you don’t live in the small town where this happened.

At a time when millions of people go hungry each day, some jackass who wanted to avoid paying property taxes and some fines left more than 88,000 pounds of kosher bison meat to rot in the freezers of the building he abandoned.

While the photo on the left comes from a store in New York that lost power for 4 days back in August of 2003 (source), it barely shines any light on the magnitude of the wastefulness that occurred in Bridgewater, SD.

BRIDGEWATER, S.D. – Behind the freezer doors at a meat plant mysteriously abandoned by its owner, the 44 tons of bison meat managed to hold its own for months, masked by the brutal chill of two South Dakota winters. ( source )

It pisses us off to know that instead of donating the meat to charity and receiving a healthy tax deduction — or just plain donating the meat to charity as an act of goodwill — the bastard let it rot.

While all of us here at More Bacon Please feel very sorry for the people in Bridgewater, SD because they had to put up with the unholy stench created by all that rotting bison meat, we really feel sorry for the crews that had to clean up that horrifying mess…

A putrid odor so downright nasty the cleaners sent to mop up the gooey mess of liquefied meat — topped by a blanket of swarming white maggots and buzzed by a legion of flies — gave up after two days.
( source )

And furthermore, we really, really, really and REALLY feel sorry for all the people that meat could have fed.

Simple Math:

Most people use one pound of meat to create between 2 and 4 meals… and at that rate the 44 tons of wasted meat would have given between 176,000 and 352,000 people a meal.

So… can you SEE why we hope this guy gets trampled by horde of large angry animals? Better yet, someone needs to forward the guy’s home address to members of PETA.

Last we heard, PETA despises people who needlessly slaughter animals and then don’t eat them a LOT more than they despise people who simply eat meat.

• The Offender’s Name: Ilan Parente

• Last Known Location: Dawson, MN

We wrote about it, and now you wanna’ know more about it. Can’t say we blame you. The taste of Applewood Smoked Meats definitely merits some investigation. When you try it for yourself, you’ll know what we mean!

One thing we REALLY like about Applewood Bacon deals with its hearty, but not overwhelming, smoke flavor. Some woods used to smoke meats impart a thick, almost ’solid’ wood flavor that makes us think we have accidentally bit into a hunk of charred wood — but not Applewood.

We like the Applewood. A lot.

<a href="http://www.Americas-Best.com/myspace-comments-blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"><img src="http://www.americasbestmyspace.com/myspace-comments/pics_naughty-rabbit.jpg" width="380" height="346" border="1" alt="Americas Best MySpace Comments Blog -- Free MySpace Comments"><br /><strong>Visit Americas-Best.Com for…</strong></a><br /><em>Funny/Sexy/Sarcastic/Stupid MySpace Comments</em>

<a href="http://www.Americas-Best.com/myspace-comments-blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"><img src="http://www.americasbestmyspace.com/myspace-comments/pics_national-sarcasm-society.jpg" width="279" height="425" border="1" alt="Americas Best MySpace Comments Blog -- Free MySpace Comments"><br /><strong>Visit Americas-Best.Com for…</strong></a><br /><em>Funny/Sexy/Sarcastic/Stupid MySpace Comments</em>