Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

One day, a wife greeted her husband at the front door wearing a very sexy nightie. Before he could speak, she said, “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”

So he tied her up and went fishing.

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A classy guy like that shops at Da’ Frogg Store and loves to flaunt the latest Frogg Wear.  Oh, and for those seeking pretty girls, well, try Girls for MySpace on for size.

Shameless self-promotion? Blakk Frogg? Never! That’s a lie. A rotten, stinkin’, dirty ass lie. He would NEVER think to slip a plug for his own products in the middle of this website. That would never happen. Not in a million years. Honest. He swears.

more blakk frogg “loves to nail”

more blakk frogg “pick your speed”

more blakk frogg “ready to screw”

So ya’ wanna’ wear one of these designs, do ya’? Then hop yo’ nasty ass over to blakk frogg’s cafepress site and check out all the Frogg Wear Original designs on golf shirts, t-shirts, camisoles, tank tops, sweatshirts, coffee mugs, beer steins, and… thongs & boxers!

Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?

A terrible thing:

No one to blame.

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Joe told him; “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.”

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Blakk Frogg wants a bicycle, too, damn it….

Most of us have had the unfortunate pleasure of going into work with a hangover. Life gets pretty amusing for the span of time that you spend at work after downing a few too many brewskis, taking too many shots, and mixing too many different liquors the night before; especially if you get MAYBE, at BEST, two or three hours of sleep.

So, without further ado, “You know you’re in bad shape at work when…“

1. The phone looks “too heavy to lift” when it rings.
2. You groan every time you go to reach for the mouse.
3. The thought of going to lunch sounds too much like work.
4. Fax machines remind you of horror film sound effects.
5. The clock snickers at you.
6. Co-workers refuse to enter the bathroom after you for fear of what you may leave in there.
7. Mt. Dew tastes like an elixir of the gods.
8. You empty the water cooler by yourself…. And still can’t pee.
9. Every time you exhale, a key on your keyboard melts.
10. The mouthpiece on your phone gets disinfected by the vapors in your breath.
11. Fluorescent lighting above you starts to sizzle your skin.
12. The computer monitor in front of you looks and acts like a spotlight.
13. You begin to sweat acetone from your eyelids.
14. The idea of pooping your pants at your desk does not sound all that bad anymore.
15. It feels like someone lit your eyeballs on fire with a road flare.
16. Although the thought of alcohol offends you, Happy Hour still sounds like fun after work.
17. You cannot, for the life of you, figure out what is so Happy about Happy Hour anymore.
18. The hamster in your thought wheel is playing with a jackhammer.
19. Elevator music offends you… a lot more than usual.

Thank you for reading an honest to goodness Blakk Frogg original.  Now somebody PLEASE get Blakk Frogg a beer!

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. “You know,” he says, “I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk.”

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, “What would you like to discuss?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” says the guy. “How about nuclear power?

“OK,” says the blonde. “That could be an interesting topic, but let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff ~ grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“So tell me,” says the blonde, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power, when you don’t know shit?”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

An atheist decided to take a walk through the woods. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charging towards him. His heart pumped frantically. As he tried to run, he tripped and fell to the ground.

As he rolled over to pick himself and continue running he saw that the bear had caught up to him and stood tall, raising its paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant he cried out: “Oh my God!”

Time stopped, the bear froze in place, and the forest had fallen silent.

Suddenly a bright light shined down upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying, You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light. “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?”

Very well, said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the rest resumed.

And the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke “Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen.”

Americas Best MySpace Animals Comments

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Mmmmm Mmmmm Good. Athiest stew. Sounds like a yummy food.

In other news, a string of seemingly unrelated car crashes throughout the city baffled police for hours until once very astute patrolman noticed a ‘suspicious’ woman seen walking in the background of all the surveillance tapes taken from the areas surrounding each car wreck.

Immediately an APB (All Points Bulletin) went out over the radio and within minutes an officer spotted the woman and confronted her.  Here’s what happened:

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

The officer issued the woman a ‘warning’ and released the woman without incident.

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Yep. Some women really love Sarcasm and others really like Blakk Frogg…….

Two business men in NY City are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn’t ready only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other, “I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hillbilly from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in a deep Southern drawl asks, “What’re y’all sellin’ here?”

One of the men replies, “Oh! We’re selling assholes here.”

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, “Well, I see y’all’re doing really good, you only got two left!”

Americas Best MySpace Comments

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Stop calling Blakk Frogg an asshole just because he loves Sarcasm.

Bad: You can’t find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter “borrowed” it.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son’s room.
Worse: You’re in it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.

Bad: Your husband’s a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Bad: Your son’s involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wife’s arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You’re arrested.
Worse: By your husband.

Good: The postman’s early.
Bad: He’s wearing camos and has an AK-47.

Good: The secretary said “yes.”
Bad: Your wife says “no.”
Worse: Wife caught the two of you and screamed, “Oh HELL no!”

Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He’s gay.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get a three-day weekend.
Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It’s performance art.

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter’s the headliner.

Good: Your boyfriend’s exercising.
Bad: So he’ll fit in your clothes.

Good: Your car conveniently “runs out of gas.”
Bad: For real.

Good: Your child’s “waiting for Mr. Right”.
Bad: Your son, that is.

Good: Your daughter’s on the Pill.
Bad: She’s thirteen.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your son’s doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It’s counterfeit.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter’s the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She’s coming home.

Good: Your wife’s kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.

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Good: You made it to Happy Hour
Bad: All the beer’s gone. Blakk Frogg would cry…..