Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Romance comes in many different flavors, but at no time should it EVER come from a book vendor whose ass crack resembles cottage cheese getting smuggled in a lambskin condom!

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Listen, folks…. If you want romance, you gotta’ go someplace other than a street corner where some fat, nasty, overweight ‘thing’ sells used romance books. And while on the topic, doesn’t the phrase ‘used romance books’ bring some pretty sickening images to mind?

Try your luck over at Girls for MySpace if you need something to float your boat, get your motor going, rev up your engines, etc.

– blakk frogg

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied. “I know the guy.”

Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

Read below, figure out how YOU would handle a dangerous driving situation of this magnitude, and then scroll down to see if you made the right driving decision.

Dangerous Driving Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Scroll for the correct answer…

Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

Correct Course of Action:

Get your drunk ass off the children’s Merry-Go-Round. You’re fuckin’ hammered!

And no, Mrs. Clause didn’t catch Santa getting a little action on the side.

Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

Instead, it is something far more sinister: Some idiots in Australia have decided to change Santa Clause’s jolly, happy, trademarked, patented, world-famous “ho-ho-ho!” to….. “ha-ha-ha!” (insert the classic ‘WTF’ here)

Apparently they think the average woman takes offense to the term ‘ho’ and that children ought not get exposed to such harsh, condescending language….. especially from Santa Clause, a symbol of all that we supposedly deem innocent an pure.

Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

Uh, hello? If a woman takes offense to that word used in a COMPLETE other way, then she probably wound UP waiting in line with her 3 screaming brats to see Santa as a RESULT of behaving like a ‘ho’…. and she needs to shut up, keep her legs closed, and stop drawing attention to herself.

Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

Reality of the matter: Most kids who believe in Santa Clause and hear the time-honored ‘ho-ho-ho’ do not make the connection between the sluts they see everywhere else in life and the innocence of St. Nick. Also, if those kids DO make that connection, someone needs to reset the password on Net Nanny and/or the cable box in their parents’ home.

Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

It already sucks enough that we can no longer enjoy a Holiday Season w/o having to worry about offending people by saying, “Merry Christmas”. Do we REALLY have to censor Santa now, too?

Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

– Blakk Frogg

Halloween has come and gone and everyone has started looking forward to feasting on turkey, ham, fruit cakes and other traditional Thanksgiving/Christmas foods. Parents have started acquiring, wrapping and stashing presents for their kids, television stations have begun flooding the airwaves with images of Holiday Cheer that makes lonely bastards like Blakk Frogg wanna’ kill himself, and greedy retail merchants chomp at the bit as they wait for the hordes of gadget and gizmo loving shoppers to empty their pockets into money-hungry cash registers.

Americas Best MySpace Holidays Comments

Everyone loves this time of year, right? No, actually, some folks HATE this time of year as it marks the beginning of the end for them…. And yes, Blakk Frogg refers to the poor, now-forgotten and probably tossed into the garbage pumpkins.

With not much time to live, many turn to drugs and alcohol to soothe the pain of knowing they will soon die….

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

So the next time you see a forlorn pumpkin rolling down the street at this time of year, take a minute to mourn because that poor, poor pumpkin will soon rot into the ground and become…. worm food.

Leave it to The Duke to spell out what so many people in the United States mutter under their breath each and every day. Blakk Frogg does not hate anyone, except YOU, so don’t even go there with the ‘stop discriminating and hating’ comments and emails. Blakk Frogg loves everyone… and your sister looks good in latex.

Free MySpace Comments on Americas Best
another blakk frogg production!

In case any of you wondered, this graphic has remained in the Top Ten Most Popular MySpace Comments on Americas-Best.Com for close to 6 months.

UPDATE: This morning Blakk Frogg learned that the Associated Press (AP) has retracted the Paris Hilton elephant story . Wow. One has to guess, then, that they had nothing better to report on that day.

Apparently they couldn’t find anything to say about….. rising gas prices, the recent increase in chlamydia cases in the United States, the fact that 40% of people surveyed recently don’t know AIDS has a 100% kill rate, the obvious instability of the stock market, millions of people losing their homes as a result of crappy/shady loan agreements, the cost of living rising WAY above the average person’s income level, etc.

On a happier note, you can read Blakk Frogg’s take on the original, now retracted, Paris Hilton story below:

——————

Big surprise everyone! Paris Hilton made the news again…. only this time for something a bit more noble than performing poorly in a homemade pornographic movie. Of all the strange news articles that have come across Blakk Frogg’s computer screen in recent days, this one certainly did make him say….. What the Fuck?!?!?

Taken from MSN.Com on 11/13/07:

GAUHATI, India — Paris Hilton is being praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India.

Activists said a celebrity endorsement such as Hilton’s was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers’ homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.

“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” the 26-year-old socialite said in a report posted on World Entertainment News Network’s Web site. Her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole.

“There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad,” Hilton was quoted as saying in Tokyo last week. She was in Tokyo to judge a beauty contest. (finish reading the article here)

———————

Blakk Frogg’s turn to speak, now… Why the HELL do people pay so much attention to this chick? Why couldn’t she use her ‘media pull’ to publicize another issue OTHER than drunken elephants on the rampage in India?

Granted Blakk Frogg feels VERY bad for the deceased elephants and all the people whose lives got mangled by the inebriated beasts, but get real, folks. No one outside of a 5 mile radius of where the drunken elephants went on a rampage gave a rat’s ass about this story until a socialite with a penchant for porn mentioned it in an interview.

So ask yourselves…. Did you REALLY care about the elephants or the people or did you hope to hear where you could find a new photo showing Paris’ highly publicized pubic region somewhere in that article when you read it?

We ALL know the answer to THAT question…..

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, “I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”

“Thank God,” said an elderly nun at the back. “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

To My Dear Wife,

“You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset – I shall be home before midnight.”

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

To My Dear Husband,

“I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you tha t you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow”.

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Every once in a while at the office you will hear something out of context that will make you stop, turn around, and say, “Wait. What the HELL did you just say?”

This morning Blakk Frogg overheard something that made him say those very words.

A female co-worker said, and Blakk Frogg quotes directly, “Not gonna’ eat it, just shove it in there. Then tie up the legs….”

Some of you fine, upstanding citizens will know she referred to preparing a turkey, but the rest of you perverts and deviants thought the same thing as Blakk Frogg…. and that’s alright.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

Looking for more sarcasm, humor and wit from the fingertips of Blakk Frogg? Da’ Americas Best Sarcasm/Humor Site can help you make better brownies…. or at least keep you from slitting your wrist before dinner.