Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Although Blakk Frogg has paid the Olympics next to no attention at all, he has found the displays of National Pride in the stands at various events quite uplifting. Take, for example, this colorful young lady who CLEARLY loves the United States:

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Then, of course, you’ll always have those few individuals who go a bit overboard with their enthusiasm for their country and make somewhat of an ass out of themselves — all in the name of loving their country:

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In either case, though, their pride in the United States shines brightly and although Blakk Frogg would much rather have a stadium filled with fans like the sexy young lady in the American flag bikini set, he seriously doubts that beautiful babe can chug beers and do belly flops better than the big guy!

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

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Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

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The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

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Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

3. Colt: The original point and click interface.

4. Gun control is not about guns; it’s about control.

5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?

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6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

7. “Free” men do not ask permission to bear arms.

8. If you don’t know your rights you don’t have any.

9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.

11. What part of “shall not be infringed” do you NOT understand?

12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

13. 64,999,987 firearm owners killed no one yesterday.

14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.

15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. – No guns, no peace, no safety.

16. You don’t shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

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17. 911 – government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

19. Criminals love gun control — it makes their job safer.

20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.

23. Enforce the “gun control laws” we ALREADY have, don’t make more.

24. When you remove the people’s right to bear arms, you create slaves.

25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

26. “A government of the people, by the people, for the people…”

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote! — Ben Franklin

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Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).

He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY). He drove to the corner gas station and filled it with gas (FROM SAUDI ARABIA) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE), turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job… in AMERICA.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Note:  Now although Blakk Frogg does concede that the above ‘trickeries’ in the English language can make things difficult on a person attempting to learn it, he does NOT think anyone should use them as an excuse NOT to learn the language if they choose to reside in the United States.  If you’re gonna’ live here, learn the language… and that goes for people BORN here in the United States as well. There’s no excuse for your poor grammar and blatant, almost intentional, misuse of words. You’re part of the problem, really, if you think about it. Why would a foreigner want or see a need to learn proper English when you don’t even bother to learn or use it yourself? <end rant>

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Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua.

But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

‘Fifty dollars!’ she would cry out from the curb.

‘No, Five dollars!’ fired back Clinton ….

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.

He’d run by and she’d yell, ‘Fifty dollars!’

And he’d yell back, ‘Five dollars!’

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!

As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the ‘pro’ would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he’d really been doing on all his past outings.

He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner,

Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker!

Bill tried to avoid the prostitute’s eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled… See what you get for five bucks!?’

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Never in my life would I consider that a rational idea until…

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So step right up, all you suicide bombing bastards. Just detonate away from others, or in the company of those you trained with, and we’ll get (what’s left of) you properly buried in no time.

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Pay tribute to the United Stated of America by using these popular (free) Patriotic MySpace Comments on your pages, blogs and on all your friends’ (if you have any!) pages. Blakk Frogg loves his country. Never let it be said otherwise!

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Like a lot of folks in this country, Blakk Frogg has a job: He gets up each morning, goes to work, puts in at LEAST solid 8 hours of work. Every other week he gets a check. Simple as that.

He then pays taxes on his earnings and the government distributes his tax dollars as it sees fit.

Here’s the kicker, though… In order to get that paycheck, he has to pass a random urine test, with which he has no problem.

He DOES, however, object to the distribution of his hard-earned tax dollars to people who DON’T have to pass a urine test. He wonders WHY a person doesn’t have to pass a urine test in order to receive HIS money in the form of a welfare check. Seriously… HE has to pass one in order to EARN that money so shouldn’t THEY have to pass one before receiving it?

Please understand that Blakk Frogg has no problem with helping people get back on their feet. He does, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit around on their lazy ass using drugs… on his dime.

Think about how much money state, local and federal government agencies would save if aid recipients had to pass regular, or random, urine tests before they could receive a public assistance check.

Democrat, Republican, Conservative or Liberal, it does not matter. If you agree with this message, spread the word. Otherwise your silence equals acceptance of the current situation… and you have no right to complain.

———————–

You will find Blakk Frogg at Happy Hour…. He’s the tall, drunk bastard dancing on the pool table — again.

One of my sons serves in the military.
He is still stateside, here in
California. He called me yesterday to
let me know how warm and welcoming
people were to him, and his troops,
everywhere he goes, telling me how people
shake their hands, and thank them for being
willing to serve, and fight, for not
only our own freedoms but so that
others may have them also.

But he also told me about an incident
in the grocery store he stopped at
yesterday, on his way home from the
base. He said that ahead of several people
in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.

He said when she got to the cashier
she loudly remarked about the U.S.
flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her
smock. The cashier reached up and
touched the pin, and said proudly,”
Yes, I always wear it and probably aways will.”

The woman in the burkha then asked the
cashier when she was going to stop
bombing her countrymen, explaining
that she was Iraqi.

A gentleman standing behind my son
stepped forward, putting his arm around
my son’s shoulders, and nodding
towards my son, said in a calm and gentle
voice to the Iraqi woman:

“Lady, hundreds of thousands of men
and women like this young man have
fought and died so that YOU could
stand here, in MY country and accuse a
check-out cashier of bombing YOUR
countrymen. It is my belief that had you
been this outspoken in YOUR own country,
we wouldn’t need to be there today. But,
hey, if you have now learned how to speak
out so loudly and clearly, I’ll gladly
buy you a ticket and pay your way
back to Iraq so you can straighten out
the mess in YOUR country that you are
obviously here in MY country to avoid.”

Everyone within hearing distance cheered!

IF YOU AGREE____ Pass this on to all
your proud American friends…. and remember:

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