Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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Blakk Frogg says, “Man or woman who not listen to words of wisdom is either deaf or really stupid.”

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Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you’ve been in it for awhile … it isn’t so hot.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.’

If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is — it’s you.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child … she said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they’re a bunch of liars.

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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

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If you remember the 60s, you weren’t there.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

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Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, “I wish you’d come to me sooner.”

You read about all these terrorists, most of whom came here legally, but hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let’s put Blockbuster in charge of immigration!

Note: This all sounds like commentary from George Carlin… so Blakk Frogg suggests you go and see what elses that crazy bastard has said lately!

Having nice sex burns 358 calories.

Having rough sex [making it hurt] burns 543 calories.

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Take off her clothes with her consent: 12 cal

Take off her clothes without her consent: 187 cal

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Take off her bra with two hands: 8 cal

Take off her bra with one hand: 12 cal

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Take off her bra with mouth: 85 cal

Putting on Protection …

Hard: 6 cal
Soft: 315 cal

Foreplay …

Looking for Target: 8 cal
Finding G spot: 92 cal
I Don’t F#$king Care: 0 cal

Entry …

Holding Her: 12 cal
On the Floor: 8 cal

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Entry With Different Position …

Missionary: 358 cal
Doggy: 316 cal
69 Lying: 286 cal
69 Standing: 512 cal
Italian Hanger: 912 cal

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Orgasm …

Real: 112 cal
Faking It: 315 cal

After the ‘Big O’ …

Lying in Bed: 18 cal
Hop off the Bed: 36 cal
Wondering why she left pissed off: 816 cal

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Getting Dressed …

Quiet and Calm: 32 cal
Rushing: 98 cal
Her Boyfriend Opening the Door: 1218 cal
Her Dad opening the Door: 1942 cal

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

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She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

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After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.

She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.

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Today we will assault you with questions that will make you wonder about the very nature of mankind’s existence… or if Blakk Frogg really DOES have too much time on his hands.

1) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

2) Why do you have to “put your two cents in” … but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

3) Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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4) Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

5) What disease did cured ham actually have?

6) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

7) Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

8) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

9) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

10) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

11) Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural

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12) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

13) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

14) If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

15) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

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16) If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

17) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

18) Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

19) Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

20) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

21) Do you now wonder why on Earth you spend time reading the stuff Blakk Frogg posts on this website?

Oh yeah? Well Blakk Frogg says…

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Thanks for tuning in to see the top fifteen MySpace Comments on Americas-Best.Com for the month of January 2007! You picked ’em so don’t blame us, damn it!

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Popular MySpace Comments 6 – 10

Sorry folks, but the content from this page moved to a new domain: Americas-Best.Com.

We apologize for any inconvenience, and you may flog our grandmothers if it will make you feel better.

A month has passed since we last treated you to a list of the most popular entries on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog… so here ya’ go, ya’ filthy little bastards. Enjoy!

1. Popular Sexual & Adult MySpace Comments
2. Obsessed w/ Camel Toe?
3. Sexual & Adult MySpace Comments?
4. Sweet Devon Black Panties & Bra Pics
5. Oral Sex, People! Oral Sex!
6. Popular Adult MySpace Comments
7. Ultimate Redneck MySpace Comment
8. I Believe in Sexy Saturdays
9. Potato Prostitute
10. Popular Sarcastic MySpace Comments (Dec 2007)

– Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog Main Page –

Ever wonder what happened when Charlie Brown hit puberty? Blakk Frogg certainly did!

Would that ‘blockhead’ actually develop a set of nuts and shove his cartoon meat stick in a classmate or would he spend the bulk of his adolescence frequenting pay-per-view porn theaters dodging gooey stains on the floor?

After some reseach, we finally have the answer:

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

OK, folks, there you have it. Charlie Brown had a rough start to puberty but once he got the hang of his newly found appendage, he became a true pimp.

“I miss you! I really miss you! & I tried to visit you, but the dumb ass security guard wouldn’t let me in the zoo!”

“Pussy is like a peach. It’s fat, full of juice, & if you go in deep enough, you’ll get a nut.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“After great sex, she lies there playing with his penis. He asks, “Do you want more?” “No,” she says, “just admiring your penis. I miss mine.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose. How does a vagina look after sex? Ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“SPECIAL REPORT: The police are arresting hoochies w/ good coochies. Run bitch run!! They already got me!” (I’ve also heard this one the other way around… “You don’t have to worry, but come bail me out.”)

“Li’l red riding hood met the big bad wolf at the club. He took her home & asked, “Can I stick it in?” She said, “No, Just stick to the story & eat me!”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“Mr Penis said to the balls, “Get ready we’re going to a party.” His balls said, “Fuckin’ liar! You always go inside & leave us outside knockin’, bitch!”

“Women have unique magic tricks. They get wet w/o water, bleed w/o injury, and make boneless things hard.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“How do you feel abt oral sex? Does it go both ways? If so, then sitting on my face is a good idea. I’d like to invite you over for a formal sitting.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“3 of my hoes escaped last night. I found 1 @ a strip club, 1 on a corner, but where the fuck are you?!”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“Snow White was fired from Disney World today. She was caught sitting on Pinochio’s face screaming, “Lie mother fucker, lie!”