Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa has gone to Heaven?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”

Later that day Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She tried adjusting the knobs to get the picture in focus, but that didn’t work. Then, frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem by force.

About this time the little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door. Upon opening the door he saw the family minister standing before him.

The minister said hello to the little boy and asked, “Is your Grandma home?”

Thinking nothing of it, the little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”

The minister fainted.


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Three Hillbillies are sitting on their porch in Arkansas. One says,
“Boy is my wife dumb. She’s so stupid that she went shopping today and
bought an air-conditioner. Hell, we ain’t got electricity!”

Then the other guy says, “Ah that ain’t nothing, my wife’s dumber than
that! She went shopping yesterday and had a washing machine delivered.”
They all laughed and laughed, why nobody around here has plumbing!

The third Hillbilly said, “Well, I reckon my woman’s got to be the
dumbest. Just this morning I was looking in her purse for some change and
found six condoms. Hell, she ain’t got no pecker.”


Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.


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Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.


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Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name.

Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me”.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if … he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.


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Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide:

SCENARIO:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities and some seemingly unintelligible things about Jihad, raises the knife, and charges at you with the tenacity of a raging rhino.

You are carrying a Glock 40 handgun and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Below are your options, in no particular order:

Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:

I am 92 years old.

Defense Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:

There I was, sitting there in my swing, on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:

No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:

No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:

No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

Well, by then, I was feeling really “spicy” so I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me!”

Defense Attorney:

Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:

Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fools!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard!


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A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at Everglades City, a town in Florida, with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh, AND Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

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sarcastic myspace comments…. get some!

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, “Yes! Lot’s of Trout, some Red Fish, and a few Snook… But, honey, why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked?”

The wife replies “Oh, dear but I did pack them. They were in your tackle box.”


Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

“When life hands you lemons, stuff them in the mufflers of law enforcement vehicles. Doing so will improve your social life immensely. We promise.”

On another note, people keep bugging Blakk Frogg to post a list of the most popular items from his Blakk Frogg Joke Blog instead of looking through all the entries and deciding for themself what they like. Laziness. Pure laziness.

Oral Sex, People! Oral Sex!
Popular Americas Best MySpace Comments (Sept 2007)
Sweet Devon Jersey Pics
Shitty MySpace Comments
Fiance’s Sister Wants to Have Sex With Me
Definition of Perfect Woman
Funny Dear Abby Letter
Wife Says, “Can’t You Just Hold Me?”
Girls for MySpace (September 2007)
Pharmacology Names for Viagra

You know what? The Simply Frogg Jokes Page has nearly 700 jokes on it right now…. and it would give you the perfect excuse not to do any real work right now.

A United States Paratrooper was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Paratrooper got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Paratrooper went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Paratrooper and asked, “What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The Paratrooper calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting America’s troops who are protecting your right to say stupid shit like that and act like an asshole… So, He sent me.”


Americas Best Comments

————

Blakk Frogg says, “Whether you agree or disagree with the ‘war activities’ currently taking place overseas or not, you had better agree that the brave men and women risking their lives for your right to debate such things deserve your respect and admiration.”

You can find other Patriotic Pictures for MySpace on http://americasbestcomments.com.

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time.

I explained how I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete… so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I’d been poisoned and was that why I wound up in the hospital.

I said no….. In all actuality, I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy behind her was going to have to be carried out the door.


Americas Best MySpace Animal Comments

This is a true story, indicating how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her Class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read, “and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?”

The teacher paused then asked the class: “And what do you think the man said?”

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly, “I think the man would have said: “Well, fuck me! A talking pig!!”


Americas Best MySpace Animal Comments

no, it’s not a pig….. but it IS big and plump. deal with it!


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First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


  • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
  • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
  • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]