Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, apologizes for the inconvenience, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard. “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

Americas Best MySpace Random Comments

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men can turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1. Argued over nothing.
2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3. Gained weight.
4. Talked excessively without making sense.
5. Became overly emotional.
6. Couldn’t drive.
7. Failed to think rationally
8. Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR…..

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

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Blakk Frogg does not often delve into politics so it doesn’t matter what party you belong to – this is funny:

Allegedly from a show on Canadian TV, a black comedian said he misses Bill Clinton during his stand-up comedy routine. . .

Yep, that’s right – I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

• Number 1 – He played the sax.
• Number 2 – He smoked weed.
• Number 3 – He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him… his wife works, and he don’t! And, he gets a check from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America’s shelves this week with “ClintonSoup,” in honor of one of the nations’ most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, “I don’t know, I never had one.”

The Clinton revised judicial oath: “I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know.”

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do the Hanky Panky between the Bushes.

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow accidentally goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 221.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

A woman walks up to an elderly looking man sitting in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”

“I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise,” he replied.

“Wow, that’s amazing,” she said, “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

Funny/Sarcastic Pictures… And Your Mommy!

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.

“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”

Oh, Bill, you didn’t” she exclaimed.

“Yes, I did.” he replied.

“My God, Bill, what happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

“Oh… She got fired too.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm.

The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

“Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Americas Best MySpace Break Ups Comments

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, “If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.”

The hippie, of course, says that he’d love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.

“If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,” says the bus driver, “You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you.”

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she’s in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. “I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first,” he says.

The nun agrees, but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, “Ha ha, I’m the hippie!”

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments