Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

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Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, While Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: “http://I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.HTML” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Americas Best MySpace Computers Comments

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat, and put his big black Labrador retriever in the middle seat between them.

The first man looked very puzzled at the dog and asked why it was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a DEA agent, and the dog was a drug-sniffing dog he worked with. His name is Sniffer, and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I will put him to work.

The plane took off, and once it leveled out, the agent said “watch this”, and he told Sniffer to go search.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. He then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent’s arm. The agent said, “good boy”, turned to the other man and said, “that woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

“Gosh, that’s pretty neat” replied the first man.

Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, and then returned to his seat and placed two paws on the agent’s arm.

The agent said, “that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.”

“That’s amazing” said his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for awhile, sat down for a moment,and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat, and pooped all over the place.

The first man was really grossed out by this behavior, and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that. “What’s going on?” he asked the agent.

The agent nervously replied, “He just found a bomb.”

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?”

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days”.

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her “…And where do you think you’re going?”

She said, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark!”

Americas Best MySpace Random Comments

1. You can always find it
2. You can be Satisfied even if it is soft
3. You can enjoy it with no risk while driving
4. You can take your time and have it slowly, slowly
5. You can have it and enjoy it even in front of your mom
6. If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won’t mind
7. Two people from the same sex can enjoy it with out getting called names
8. You can have it on the table while your co-workers are there
9. You can ask choclate from a starnger and won’t get slapped
10. It dosen’t leave hair in your mouth
11. The sentence: “Swallow if you like it” has a positive angle
12. With choclate you do not have to fake pleasure
13. It can’t get you pregnant
14. You can enjoy it ALL month long
15. You can have as many different brands as you desire
16. You after never too young or too old to enjoy it
17. You never disturb your neighbors.
18. With choclate, size isn’t an issue
19. You don’t have to beg for choclate
20. You can enjoy it with minors and not be arrested
21. It never wants to chat after you are done with it.

Free Adult MySpace Comments

A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you, Mr. American, for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care, and free education!”

The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am Mexican.”

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!” The person says, “I not American, I Vietnamese.”

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, “Thank you for the wonderful America!” That person puts up his hand and says, “I am from Middle East. I am not American!”

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, “Are you an American?” She says, “No, I am from Russia!”

Puzzled, he asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”

The Russian lady checks her watch and says… “Probably at work.”

SimplyFrogg.Com and Americas-Best.Com

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area”.

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, “So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we’re in Tampa?”

“Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna’ check into the hotel, take a big crap…. Then I’m gonna’ take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner…. I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.”

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot’s talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: “No need to hurry, dear. He’s gotta’ land the plane and take a shit first.”

Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”

The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”

The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.”

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Damit, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.”

The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”

The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”

And the wife says “No, Only when he’s been drinking.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.”

The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

To which the rabbi replied, “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”

The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”

The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”

The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.”

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, “Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go. Have to write to the Hefty bag people next!

Sincerely,

“Innocent” Emma

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.

The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone. The top ten were:

• 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
• 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
• 8. Viagra, Like a rock!
• 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
• 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
• 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
• 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
• 3. Viagra, home of the whopper!
• 2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your winkie. This is your winkie on drugs.