Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Another weekend has come and gone. Cases of beer, a bag of charcoal for the grill, and countless pieces of grilled meat have all gone away. Now we turn and face the most horrible of things any human ever encounters: a Monday.

How shall we get through this tragic, yet necessary, day? With humor, that’s how.

Sexy Cowgirl Not Happy With Monday

Hot Woman Wants to Make Monday Better

Stay tuned for the next installment of Adult MySpace Comments because, well, we said so.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash…….. Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

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Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Father.”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace.'”

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence.'”

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”

She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2,” hard bodied, well hung, Male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, “My God…”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for many years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning, post-fart, she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the bits of the turkey which are not used – the neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, you know “The Giblets” – and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts etc into the back of them.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “You were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened …… but by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.”

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

Dave walks into a bar and sees Henry sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face.

Dave says, “Henry, what are you so happy for?”

“Well Dave, I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat, and a redhead came up to me… tits out to here, Dave. Tits out to here!

She says, ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ I said ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’

So I took her way out, Dave, I turned off the key and I said ‘It’s either screw or swim!’

She couldn’t swim, Dave. She couldn’t swim!”

The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees Henry sitting at the end of the bar counter with an even bigger smile on his face.

Dave says, “What are you happy about today Henry?”

“Well Dave… I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me, tits out to here, Dave. Tits out to here!

She said ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’

I told her ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Dave. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, ‘It’s either screw or swim!’

She couldn’t swim, Dave! She couldn’t swim!

A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees Henry down there cryin’ over a beer. Dave says, “Henry, what are you so sad for?”

“Well Dave, I gotta tell ya…. Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat, and the most desirable, georgeous brunette came up to me…tits WAY out to here, Dave. Tits WAY out to here. I tell ya I had more wood than my boat does!

She says, ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ So I said, ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’

So I took her way out, Dave, way WAAAYYY out…much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said ‘It’s either screw or swim!’

She pulled down her pants and…. She had a dick, Dave! She had this great BIG fuckin’ dick!……. And I can’t swim Dave! I can’t swim, man!!!!!!

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

Superman is flying around one day and he’s feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is.

Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay.

Superman then tells him that he couldn’t do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away.

Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he’s swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is.

Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up.

Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air and flies about. He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she’ll never know what hit her.

So, he flies down does his business and in 4 seconds he’s back in the air flying away.

Wonder Woman looks up and says “What was that?”

Invisible Man says: “I don’t know but my ass hurts like hell!”

Americas Best MySpace Comments

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Italian from New York fumed, ‘Yo! What’s with those jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’

The Indian Doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’

The Chinese businessman called out ‘Move it, time is money’!!!

The Catholic Priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.’

‘Excuse me, Sir! Said the Catholic Priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? The y’re rather slow, aren’t they?’

The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. The y lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic Priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’

The Indian Doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my Ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’

The Chinese businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters Union in honor of these brave souls’!!

The Italian from New York said, ‘Why can’t they fucking play at night?’

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.

“Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.

“I’ve always been a big fan of Chopin,” said Bruce. “I’ll play him.”

“And you, Sylvester?” asked Spielberg.

“Mozart’s the one for me!” said Sly.

“And what about you?” Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“I’ll be Bach,” said Arnie.

Terminator Can’t Afford Gas Prices, Either