Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

After living in the remote wilderness all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, “How about that! Here’s a picture lookin’ like ma’ daddy.”

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

His w ife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly bitch he’s runnin’ around with.”

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Poke fun at other Rednecks…. but be prepared ta’ fight!

Trying to disprove the saying “You can’t take it with you,” a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then told her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to Heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, his wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that old fool!” she exclaimed. “I knew I should have put the money in the basement.”

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Laugh your butt off at the Simply Frogg Jokes Page.

“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.”

“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew.

“I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

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Blakk Frogg loves posting Sarcastic MySpace Comments.

Two rednecks were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man’s face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Do you have any tobacco?” asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.

“Go faster!” said the passenger. “I don’t want to see him again!” So the driver pushed the speedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.

“Do you have a light?” said the old man’s face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.

“Drive faster!” said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. “What do you want from us?” screamed the passenger.

The old man gently replied “You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?”

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Get your Redneck MySpace Comments while they’re hot!

Wow. Every once in a while you come across a bizarre news story that makes you wonder how on Earth it could happen… Well have you ever heard about The Shoplifting Seagull?

Leave it to a site like Simply Frogg to post some odd junk like that!

Here’s a list of ‘fun’ things you could do in your spare time…..

Well, there’s sex, you can have sex, sexual intercourse, a quickie, consummate a marriage, couple, copulate, coddle, or commit the act of procreation.

You could be making whoopee, making love, love making, scrogging, slapping skin, or sweating to the oldies.

You could sleep with someone, sleep together, sleep around, fool around, whore around, screw around, or just screw, shag, shank, score, fornicate, fork, pork, pump, poke, plank, pound, boff bonk, bop, bone bang, or boink.

You could be dancing between the sheets, doing the horizontal bop, the horizontal mambo, the prone boogie, or even the hunka-chunka.

You could be humping, bumping, humping and bumping, bumping uglies, the ol’ bump and grind, or making the two backed beast.

You could play doctor, hide the salami, hide the sausage, because dammit, it’s the most fun you can have with your clothes off.

You could break in a new mattress, or give the old one a workout.

You could be squeaking the springs, annoying the neighbors, or making a big mistake.

You could get them in the sack, get little action, get a little nookie, get a piece of tail, get a piece of ass, get it on, get some, get frisky, get lucky, get laid, get all hot and sticky, or just get it wet, and, I’m not making this up, get a little sticky steak up in this bitch.

You could be mounted, mounting, rutting, breeding, starting a family, pulling the train, slamming the stack. Two for me, none for you.

Not going anywhere for a while? You could turn a trick, or take pity on the poor bastard and give it away.

Happy hammering, hammer, nail, sow your wild oats, lose your virginity, or induce pregnancy the old fashioned way.

Take a roll in the hay, a trip to the tunnel of love, or a trip to paradise if you’re taking the scenic route.

Hit a home run, hit the twizzer, knock boots, tap that ass, shoplift the pootie, plunder the booty, count the ceiling tiles, ruin a friendship, or close the scroat.

Do the wild thing, do it, doing it, doing the nasty, the nasty, the old in-out in-out, dip the wick, dip the stick (or if you’re with a moron you could stick the dip).

Wet the noodle, check the oil, check the temperature, give her the pork sword injection, or the hot beef injection, depending on your religion.

Or perhaps even commit assault with a vein laden meat pipe (that’s my favorite).

You could give in, give it up, go for it, go for the gold, go for the gusto, go for broke, or even go all the way, after all, it is the fastest way to the top.

You could engage in a fluid transfer, relieve some tension, relieve some pressure, or experience a hormonal episode.

It’s a labor of love, hanky panky, and as a friend of mine once said “the noblest of all causes”.

or….you could just FUCK.

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Looking for other Adult MySpace Comments?

Like a lot of folks in this country, Blakk Frogg has a job:  He gets up each morning, goes to work, puts in at LEAST solid 8 hours of work.  Every other week he gets a check.  Simple as that.

He then pays taxes on his earnings and the government distributes his tax dollars as it sees fit.

Here’s the kicker, though… In order to get that paycheck, he has to pass a random urine test, with which he has no problem.

He DOES, however, object to the distribution of his hard-earned tax dollars to people who DON’T have to pass a urine test.  He wonders WHY a person doesn’t have to pass a urine test in order to receive HIS money in the form of a welfare check.  Seriously… HE has to pass one in order to EARN that money so shouldn’t THEY have to pass one before receiving it?

Please understand that Blakk Frogg has no problem with helping people get back on their feet.  He does, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit around on their lazy ass using drugs… on his dime.

Think about how much money state, local and federal government agencies would save if aid recipients had to pass regular, or random, urine tests before they could receive a public assistance check.

Democrat, Republican, Conservative or Liberal, it does not matter.  If you agree with this message, spread the word. Otherwise your silence equals acceptance of the current situation… and you have no right to complain.

 – Blakk Frogg

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.

  — Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. — Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. — Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids. — Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. — Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

 — Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. — Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich. — Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.

 — Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.

 — Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. — Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? — Kelvin, age 8

– And the #1 Favorite is –

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. — Ricky, age 10

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Get more useless stuff like this at Americas Best

St. Patrick’s Day: the one day of the year when the 2% of the world’s population that’s Irish gets the other 98% completely shitfaced.

Leg 1: 7 a.m. to 9 a.m.

Rise and shine early. Take a long, hot shower, and liberally use aftershave, perfume, cologne, deodorant and powders afterwards, because by 3 p.m., you will be excreting raw alcohol and other poisons, and without proper preparations, you will smell like a three-day dead cat wrapped in a fraternity carpet.

The bars open at 9, so use this time to prepare. Collect the following supplies and put them in a place where you will easily be able to find it in an impaired condition. We recommend the bathroom floor, between the toilet and the baseboard heater, since that’s where you’ll probably end up:

1 quart spring water
1 bottle aspirin
5 pairs Depends undergarment
1 bottle Percocet
1 gram morphine sulphate
1 oz. human adrenaline extract
1 precharged electric defibrillator
4 Cardiac needles
1 trauma surgeon

Brew a strong pot of coffee. Add 9 oz. Jameson Irish whiskey, drink. Note that coffee should be drunk liberally throughout the day. There is a reason that the Irish invented Irish Coffee; unless you ingest a large volume of artificial stimulants throughout the course of St. Patrick’s Day, you are going to die.

Arrange to be picked up to be taken to the bar by 8:45 a.m. We cannot stress enough that you should not drink and drive. There is no reason to chance losing your license or killing someone in a drunken state when you have plenty of idiot “friends” willing to take that risk on your behalf.

– Use These Links to Continue Drinking –
First Leg | Second Leg | Third Leg
Fourth Leg | Fifth Leg