Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below …

GUTS: is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS: is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, “Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post, and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ‘urges’. That’s why we have the camel.”

The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about ‘urges’, so the camel can stay.”

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he’s done, he asks the Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it?”

“No, not really, sir. They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.”

As punishment for the gratuitous ‘scantily clad ladies’ postings in recent days Blakk Frogg now must post jokes that poke fun at….. men. 

1. Men are like ….Laxatives …… They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like ..Bananas …… The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ……Weather ….. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like …..Blenders …. You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

5. Men are like …..Chocolate Bars … Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ….Commercials …… You can’t believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ..Department Stores …. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like …….Government Bonds ….. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ……Mascara ….. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like .Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Snowstorms … You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like …….Lava Lamps … Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots ……. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”

–Robert De Niro

Harold is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.

They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”

She asks, “What?”

“Sex!!” he replies.

Mildred exclaims, “Why you old poop. You couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!”

“I know,” Harold says, “but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.”

“Well, I can oblige,” says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood, and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold’s manhood.

Then one night Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold’s manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, “You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don’t have?”

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, “Parkinson’s.”

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Have you ever wondered what goes on at a Gynecologist Convention?

Do they have secret greetings and handshakes?

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Sadly enough, that answer is……. yes.

From the Sydney Morning Herald Australia comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. Upon further inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

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Rest assured that Blakk Frogg always wearts underpants when working on cars….. though he never works on cars, really, so this statement has no importance at all. Carry on, soldier!

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.

Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place… smack his ass again!”

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Don’t lie and say you saw the ending to THAT one coming…. ya’ sarcastic little weasels!

One evening a man was at home watching T.V. and eating peanuts. He’d toss them in the air and catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down, then he proceeded to shove two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, “That’s so wonderful! Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”

The father replied, “From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.”

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You need to check out Sarcastic MySpace, ‘cuz if you don’t, Blakk Frogg will slap your puppy with a used spatula.

A gorgeous redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible” says the doctor. “Show me”

The redhead takes her finger pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes on her elbow and screams in even more agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, then she pushes on her thigh and more screaming.

Pushes her ankle more screams and everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The Doctor says, “You’re not really a redhead are you?”

“Well, no”, she says, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so”, the doctor says,

“Your finger is broken.”

———————

Blakk Frogg broke his finger once and it hurt like hell. Stupid football!

A blonde’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this highway occurs.

It’s not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the hell is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.

“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!” asks the cop…

And she said….

(This is good…)

(Ready?)

(Remember, she’s a blonde…)

“Those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.

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Blakk Frogg apologized for that joke….. but not really.