Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Although Blakk Frogg doesn’t usually pay attention to a damn thing coming out of a celebrity’s mouth, ‘cuz they usually have nothing useful to say, he will tune in for a minute if they wanna’ talk abour S-E-X!

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“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” –Tom Clancy

“You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.” –Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” –Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” –Rodney Dangerfield

More Celebrity Sex & Realtionship Quotes:
page 1 | page 2 | page 3 | page 4 | page 5

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a great chest you have.”

He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, “What massive calves you have.”

The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.

He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was”

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Prior to her trip to Texas, Brittany (a Blonde New Yorker), confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.

2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo.

And…

3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

“Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite , it’s ooooh so good. The taste is unbelievable!”

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“And I went to a real rodeo.Talk about athletes…those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop,then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!”

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They then asked, “Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?”

“Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!”

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(Allegedly) These are from a book called “Disorder in the Courts of America”. They are things people actually said in court – word for word – taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

More Disorder in the Courts of America:
page 1 | page 2 | page 3 | page 4 | page 5

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

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She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

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After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.

She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.

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Today we will assault you with questions that will make you wonder about the very nature of mankind’s existence… or if Blakk Frogg really DOES have too much time on his hands.

1) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

2) Why do you have to “put your two cents in” … but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

3) Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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4) Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

5) What disease did cured ham actually have?

6) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

7) Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

8) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

9) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

10) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

11) Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural

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12) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

13) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

14) If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

15) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

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16) If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

17) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

18) Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

19) Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

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20) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

21) Do you now wonder why on Earth you spend time reading the stuff Blakk Frogg posts on this website?

Oh yeah? Well Blakk Frogg says…

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A hug leads to a kiss… a kiss leads 2 a finger… a finger leads to a hand… a hand leads to a lick… lick leads to a suck… a suck leads 2 a fuck.

So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this ‘cuz sex is like math:

“You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs… leave your solution… and pray you don’t Multiply!”

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball.”

Man – “That’s nice.”

Boy – “Want to buy it?”

Man – “No, thanks.”

Boy – “My dad’s outside.”

Man – “OK, how much?”

Boy – “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”

Man – “Yes, it is”.

Boy – “I have a baseball glove.” The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy – “$750”.

Man – “Sold.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

Boy -“$1,000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.

The Doctor says: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”

Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

The Doctor says: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”

Translation: I don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

The Doctor says: “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”

Translation: I think I’m going to throw up.

The Doctor says: “This may smart a little.”

Translation: Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

The Doctor says: “Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?”

Translation: I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.

The Doctor says: “This should fix you up.”

Translation: The drug salesman who took me to lunch last week guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

The Doctor says: “Everything seems to be normal.”

Translation: I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.

The Doctor says: “I’d like to run some more tests.”

Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the geeky kid in the lab can solve this one.

The Doctor says: “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”

Translation: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

The Doctor says: “Why don’t you slip out of your things.”

Translation: I don’t enjoy this any more than you do, but I’ve got to warm my fingers up somehow.

The Doctor says: “If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment next week.”

Translation: I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.

The Doctor says: “There is a lot of that going around.”

Translation: My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.

next ‘when the doctor says’ page

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall, not really doing anything. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!

The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, “I make $300 a week. Why?”

The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”

From across the room came a voice, “He was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

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