The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”
The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”
The owner says, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
The clerk says, “Oh yeah? Look at him… He’s afraid to cough!”
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Mr. Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.
Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says, “Dear Mr. Burford… All is forgiven. Just tell us… where it is?”
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Here is a riddle for the true intellectual. Try to come up with the answer on your own….. The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think this one through.
Here’s the riddle:
At the exact same time, there are two 35 year old men on opposite sides of the world. One is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers. The other is getting a blowjob from an 85 year old woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing.
What are they thinking?
Have you figured it out yet? Not yet? Well keep thinking and then scroll down some more.
Don’t look down! … Don’t look down! … Don’t look down!
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Blakk Frogg asks, “Do they have a sign which reads ‘Over 1 Billion Served’ as well?”
= = = = = = = = =
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
HANDJOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.
“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”
“I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
“Yes”, she purrs, “I am.”
The man replies “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”
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A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love passionately to her new husband, stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes, and accidentally let out an enormous fart.
She looked up bashfully, and said, “Aww. So sorry… Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!”
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Blakk Frogg says, “Mortician who take work home is a sick, sick man. Wife should leave him and come to my place.”
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,” the mortician commented, “I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.”
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
“I have something to show you won’t believe,” he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
“My God!” the wife exclaimed, “Schwartz is dead!”
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As if fat people don’t have enough trouble fitting into plane seats, finding clothes that fit, keeping food in their cupboards, affording outrageous grocery bills, and maintaining self-esteem despite continuous ridicule from people in their surroundings….. Now there exists a more sinister problem for them:
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So if ya’ wanna’ do that Advanced Sex Position on page 33 of your manual, you’re gonna’ want to lose a few pounds first!
– blakk frogg
Someday Blakk Frogg will find himself sitting across the table from his beloved wife, if he ever gets one, and have this exact same conversation. Scary, but true.
An elderly couple was sitting at the kitchen table on the morning of their 50th Wedding Anniversary.
“You know,” she said, “we were probably sitting in the kitchen across from each other 50 years ago.”
“Yeah,” he said, “but we were probably naked.”
“So let’s get naked now,” she suggested.
So they both took off all their clothes and sat across from each other.
“You know,” she said smiling lovingly, “my breasts feel just as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.”
He replied, “I’m sure they are – one is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”
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Everyone knows Blakk Frogg likes to drink. Therefore, he proudly presents you with a joke about the creation of a new, yummy mixed drink BOUND to make the ladies squeal!
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and asks, “Bartender, got any specials today?”
Bartender answers, “Why yes, as a matter of fact we do, a brand new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka.”
The guy asks, “Good grief, what do you call that?”
The bartender replied, “A Pabst Smir.”
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