Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

First-year students at North Carolina State University’s Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, “In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example,” the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Then he announced, “Life’s tough, it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”

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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”

The little boy replied, “My daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”

The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many.”  The boy said, “My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”

The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna’ eat your fingers,” pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, “What’s wrong, honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my booger?”

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How about some MySpace Toilet Comments?

If you can’t eat it or screw it,

Piss on it and walk away.

An 80 year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, “Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?”

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began: “I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day while setting off to hunt, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”

As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge. He realized he’d left his gun at home and so couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature, but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.

“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, “If you ask me, I’d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

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With the weekend just around the corner, Blakk Frogg would like to remind the World of things that can help its residents (especially YOU) realize that they may have a drinking problem…. but not Blakk Frogg 😛

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15 – You spent Sunday night in jail for “cow-tipping” with your Oldsmobile.

14 – Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

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13 – Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

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12 – Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli ‘cuz his stash is running low.

11 – For some reason, there’s salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

10 – Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea’s pancakes.

9 – For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could’ve bought the automobile.

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8 – You’re now the proud inventor of the “Slim Jim”: Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

7 – Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.

6 – Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

5 – Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, “Hey, it’s Vomit Man!”

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4 – The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it’ll take you to find your pants.

3 – Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

2 – Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

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1 – You’re now sober enough to realize “Drink Canada Dry” is a slogan and not a personal challenge

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Sarcastic MySpace Comments
sarcasm makes me happy…. not that you care, though. Bitch.

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.

Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,

Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,

Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,

Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement,

shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore,

also committed suicide.

However: in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen. What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.

The Moral:

Screw work. Play golf.

Note: Blakk Frogg hates golf, but for some reason he does like the view from certain golf carts…

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

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free jokes, comments and graphics

Modern Drunkard Magazine published a list which ALL real-time, real-life drinkers should follow: The 86 Rules to Drink By! (part one of nine)

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

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View The Rest of the List

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Blakk Frogg wants to go to Happy Hour…. as usual!

After living in the remote wilderness all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, “How about that! Here’s a picture lookin’ like ma’ daddy.”

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

His w ife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly bitch he’s runnin’ around with.”

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Poke fun at other Rednecks…. but be prepared ta’ fight!

Trying to disprove the saying “You can’t take it with you,” a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then told her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to Heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, his wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that old fool!” she exclaimed. “I knew I should have put the money in the basement.”

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Laugh your butt off at the Simply Frogg Jokes Page.