Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

One evening a man was at home watching T.V. and eating peanuts. He’d toss them in the air and catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down, then he proceeded to shove two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, “That’s so wonderful! Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”

The father replied, “From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.”

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You need to check out Sarcastic MySpace, ‘cuz if you don’t, Blakk Frogg will slap your puppy with a used spatula.

A gorgeous redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible” says the doctor. “Show me”

The redhead takes her finger pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes on her elbow and screams in even more agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, then she pushes on her thigh and more screaming.

Pushes her ankle more screams and everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The Doctor says, “You’re not really a redhead are you?”

“Well, no”, she says, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so”, the doctor says,

“Your finger is broken.”

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Blakk Frogg broke his finger once and it hurt like hell. Stupid football!

A blonde’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this highway occurs.

It’s not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the hell is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.

“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!” asks the cop…

And she said….

(This is good…)

(Ready?)

(Remember, she’s a blonde…)

“Those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.

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Blakk Frogg apologized for that joke….. but not really.

Blakk Frogg has taken a lot of heat from the ladies over some of his potings lately….. and he does NOT care. He does, however, believe (partially) in fair play so without further ado, we now have the “Facts About Men” list. Enjoy! 

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man unless he’s in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon — they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander — it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same — they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

13. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

14. Sadly, all men are created equal.

My wife, a flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage.

“When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem.”

My wife smiled, “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”

A man had box seat tickets for the World Series. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. “No,” he says. “The seat is empty.”

“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Series, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?”

The first man says, ‘Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Series we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

“Oh … I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, like a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”

The man shakes his head. “No. They’re all at the funeral.”

1. When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to…

5. Ask if you can see his gun.

6. When he says you aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him by his first name.

11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

12. When he says no, cry.

13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

16. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don’t go that way.

17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say “Usually my dates buy me dinner first”

18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don’t like ink on your fingers.

19. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say “Oops! That’s the wrong name.”

20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.

21. When he comes up to the car, say “License and registration, please” right when he says it.

22. When he goes to read you your rights, sing “La La La, I can’t hear you!”

23. Trip and fall into him.

24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.

25. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.

26. Chew on the pen, nervously.

27. Clean your ear with the pen.

28. If it’s a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.

30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.

31. Act like you are retarded.

32. When he’s telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

33. Mumble to yourself.

34. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?

35. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm….only 5 of you here tonight…….

36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.

37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!

38. Ask if he watches Cops.

39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.

40. Giggle if he did.

41. Talk to your hand.

42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.

43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.

44. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.

45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

46. Try to sell him your car.

47. Ask if you can buy his car.

48. If he takes you to the station, ask to sit in front.

49. Play with the siren.

50. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.

51. If you don’t know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner. Oops…I meant OVER for dinner

52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.

53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.

54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.

55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.

56. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.

57. Turn your head and whistle.

58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that.

59. If you are female, say I don’t do that on the first date.

60. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.

61. Stare at his lights and say “Look at the pretty colors!”

62. Tell him you like men in uniform.

63. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party

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You will persish in a pile of dog shit if you don’t check out Sarcastic MySpace Comments.

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

‘Hello?’ she cried, but no answer .

‘Is there anyone here?’ she cried a l ittle louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared because there were no brain cells around, and she yelled at the top of her voice, ‘HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?’

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away…….

‘We’re down here!’

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You’ll laugh your ass off at Simply Frogg Jokes, damn you!

One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BB’s in the other. He tripped and the BB’s, naturally, went right into the pot of beans.

Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.

The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny’s mother and said, “Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?”

Jane replied, “Nothing new, why do you ask?”

“Well,” said Mary, “this morning I bent over to feed the cat and I shot the canary!”

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It was the stir of the town when a white 80-year-old man married a white 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. “This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”

He answered, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, “You really are amazing. How do you do it?”

He again said, “You’ve got to keep the old motor running.”

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, “You must be quite a man.”

He responded, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.” The nurse then said, “Well, you had better change the oil, this one’s black.”

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