Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Bob and his lovely blonde wife live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park………..” then the electric power goes out. Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Honey why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”

Blakk Frogg says, “Sometimes family gets in the way of a person’s natural recovery.”

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The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, so she could be a part of her 100th birthday celebration.

Grandma couldn’t speak very well, so she wrote notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some attentive family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows under her right side.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the loving family members grabbed her and stuffed pillows under her, this time on the left side on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the devoted family members again grabbed her and set her upright. They then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, “Hi Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?”

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, “They won’t let me fart.”

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Anyone who has ever owed the IRS money will LOVE this joke. Also, if you despise lawyers, you’ll like the joke even more.

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The IRS decided to audit Ralph, and summoned him to the local IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Ralph showed up with his attorney.

The auditor began with, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win all of your money by gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” replied Ralph. “How about a little demonstration?”

The auditor thought for a moment then said, “Okay. Go ahead.”

Ralph said, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thought a moment and replied, “No way! It’s a bet.”

So Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.

The auditor’s jaw dropped.

Next, Ralph said, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor could see it was obvious Ralph wasn’t blind, so he took the bet. Where upon, Ralph removed his dentures and “bit” his good eye.

The stunned auditor realized he had just wagered and lost three grand with Ralph’s attorney as a witness, and he began to get a little nervous.

“Want to go for double or nothing?” Ralph asked. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, was really cautious now, but he looked carefully at the situation and decided that there was no way this guy could manage a stunt like that, so he agreed to the wager.

Ralph stood beside the desk and unzipped his pants, but although he strained mightily, he just couldn’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side of the desk, which meant he pretty much urinated all over the IRS official’s desk. The auditor leaped with joy, realizing that he had just turned a major loss into a huge win.

Meanwhile, Ralph’s attorney moaned and put his head between his hands.

“Are you okay?” the auditor asked.

“Not really,” answered the attorney. “This morning, when Ralph told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official’s desk and that you’d be real happy about it

A guy is out with buddies – has few drinks – is feeling a little frisky but, true to his wife, goes home.

He finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open, so he gets two aspirin and drops them in her mouth. She starts to choke, but recovers and asks, “What did you put in my mouth?”

He says, “Two aspirin.”

She replies, “BUT I DON’T HAVE A HEADACHE!”

He says, – “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

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Note: Posting that last joke has resulted in Blakk Frogg going into hiding because women worldwide now want him dead. d-e-a-d.

Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall…

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

The cop asked, “What’s he like?”

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,

“Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”

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Doctor Chris had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day Long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn’t.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

“Chris, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go, Chris.”

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

“Chris……………..”

“Chris…………..”

“Chris………..”

“You’re a Veterinarian, you sick bastard.”

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12. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine

11. It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass All Day

10. If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me

9. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

8. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim ‘s Gettin’ Better

7. I Wouldn’t Take Her to a Dog Fight ‘Cuz I’m Afraid She’d Win

6. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight

5. I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like You’re Still Here

4. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I’d Be Out Of Prison By Now

3. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him

2. She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger

And the Number 1 Country Song is:

1. I Ain’t Never Gone to Bed with a Ugly Woman, But I’ve Sure Woke Up With a Few

Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking their ice cold beers.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, “You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find.”

The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!”

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed…3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him “Midnight”. He didn’t seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”

When I asked him, “Why?” he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, “Oh Shit”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!” replies the drunk.

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