Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass. What made you come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat, and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn come to church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ you decided you would rather do without your hat than Burn in Hell, right ?”

Murphy shook his head and said, “No, Father, after you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ I remembered where I left me hat.”

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Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: “I have something I must confess.”

“There’s no need to,” his wife replied.

“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”

“I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”

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An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the Choose Life license plate holder, the What Would Jesus Do? bumper sticker, the Follow Me to Sunday-School bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car.

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Could you imagine working for a 500 (or so) person agency, company or other organization whose staff contained folks of this nature? Take a look through the list and ask yourself if you would have any faith in them. These numbers caome from just 1 years worth of data, so just imagine if we looked at this group’s full rap sheet!

• 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
• 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
• 3 have done time for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
• 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year…

After reading all those charges, allegations and convictions, would you feel confident that your retirement funds will stay safe in the hands of those responsible for the organization? Also, as an added bonus, can you guess what REAL LIFE ORGANIZATION we have just examined?organization this is?

It’s the 535 members of the United States Congress, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

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Seems the Better Business Bureau got a complaint the other day about a scam that AFLAC used to take advantage of women on the street… stealing their hard-earned money.

Now we all at one time thought that an INSURANCE Company has stolen from us, however this scam is netting COLD HARD CASH from unsuspecting individuals.

The way it works is the thief uses children to distract the target. While admiring the cuteness of the kids they are robbed of their cash and never know what hit them.

I’m sending this out for all to be aware that this is happening and it’s right out on the streets where the general public is.

A passer by with a digital camera phone happened to capture the photo below.

Review it carefully and use caution when distractions like this come along.

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Good luck out there, ladies, and if you get robbed, don’t say no one warned you.

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In a strange and unusual series of events, Blakk Frogg came across thye carcass of a world-renowned actor named ‘Stuart Little’ last night.  While Blakk Frogg refuses to say WHY he visited an area of The City known for prostitution, gambling drugs and free wireless internet… the fact remains that Stuart Little has, in fact, passed on. View pic below for details:

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Yeah, sure,that looks like nothing like Stuart Little.  So what.  The title got you to click the link, right? 😛

Two men are driving through Georgia when they get pulled over by a State Trooper.

The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK! The cop smacks him in the head with the stick.

“What the hell was that for?” the driver asks.

“You’re in Georgia, Boy,” the trooper answers. “When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car.”

“I’m sorry, Officer,” the driver says, “I’m not from around here.”

The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license — he’s clean — so gives the guy his license back.

The trooper THEN walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK! The trooper smacks HIM on the head with the nightstick.

“What’d you do that for,” the passenger asks.

“Just making your wish come true,” replies the trooper.

“Making WHAT wish come true,” the passenger asks.

“Because I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna turn to your buddy and say, ‘I wish that asshole would’ve tried that shit with me!'”

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“Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

“Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

“Can you run faster then 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

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“So you don’t know how to fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

“Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh…did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

“Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

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“Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rodes, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

“In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

“Just how big were those two beers?”

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“No sit we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

“I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

“You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t.”

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