Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area”.

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, “So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we’re in Tampa?”

“Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna’ check into the hotel, take a big crap…. Then I’m gonna’ take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner…. I’m gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.”

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot’s talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: “No need to hurry, dear. He’s gotta’ land the plane and take a shit first.”

Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go. Have to write to the Hefty bag people next!

Sincerely,

“Innocent” Emma

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

Far be it from Blakk Frogg to not drop by and deliver a dose of classic intoxication on a Friday. So please give a warm, wet welcome to. . . . The Web’s Most Famous Drunk Girl!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments…… Your Mother, Too!

Have a nice day and don’t forget to check out the latest additions to SarcasticMySpace. Com.

– blakk frogg

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, “Did you call for me?”

The man replies, “No, what do you mean?”

She says, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Later, the man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.

Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, “Did you call for me?” says the hairy man.

“No, what do you mean?” asks the newcomer.

“It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. “May I help you?” she asks.

The man yells, “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.”

“But, Sir,” she replies, “you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.”

The man replies, “Listen lady, I’m 69 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day. I’m outta here!”

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Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”

The girl said “No” and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

The End

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for many years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning, post-fart, she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the bits of the turkey which are not used – the neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, you know “The Giblets” – and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts etc into the back of them.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “You were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened …… but by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.”

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, “Seven Points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the Hell was that?”

The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, “Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.”

Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, “What in God’s name was THAT?”

The old man says, “Half time, switch sides…………… “

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout.

The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says “Humm, buffalo come”.

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, “I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?”

The Indian nonchalantly replies, “ear sticky.”

Everyone loves a winner, so here Blakk Frogg has listed the 5 Popular Americas-Best.Com MySpace Comments for May 2008. . . just for you, sweet cheeks!

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Looking for some Girls for MySpace? If so, then check out Girls for MySpace right away — or at your convenience. Blakk Frogg really doesn’t care which.

Some things scare the pants off of Blakk Frogg. . . like the mentality of the folks who made the following MySpace Comments some of the most popular graphics on the Americas-Best.Com MySpace Comments Page.

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Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

In the mood for a few hundred Adult MySpace Comments? If so, then check out Adult MySpace Comments before your head explodes and leaks green puss all over your keyboard — or at your convenience. Blakk Frogg really doesn’t care which.