Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my Husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically Telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

“If you want your breast to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet Paper and rub it between your breast for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and I stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

“How long will this take?” I ask.

“They will grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.

I stop and ask “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts Every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”

Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

He is still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, he may even walk again. Stupid, stupid man.

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Two whales are swimming along in the ocean when they spot a ship above the water…

“This is the ship that killed my mother”, says the whale to his wife. “Let’s go turn their boat over. We’ll get under the boat and blow real hard…”

OK, the wife agrees and they blow real hard, causing the ship to capsize and there are a lot of sailors in the water, yelling, screaming and swimming…

“Actually, it’s the people on the ship that killed my mother” says Mr. Whale…”Let’s go kill the people and eat them…”

“Now, wait a minute” says Mrs. Whale, “I agreed to the blowjob, but I am NOT going to eat the seamen…”

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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way.”

The doc said , “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.” So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them. She says, “You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts.”

He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, “Look at this, it’s still in the CRATE!”

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A professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?”

She replied, “He’s probably down at the bar with his friends.”

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Twelve Catholic priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.

He bent over to pick it up……… and all the other bells started to ring.

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Sometimes a night out on the town geting drunk bores Blakk Frogg and when that happens he goes home. However, sometimes the nights get exciting as a result of a good….. CAT FIGHT!

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Yeah….. calling someone else a pussy, even if true, can result in unwanted hospitalization if the other person knows how to fight better than you, has more friends that like to fight, or possesses a weapon.

And that, dear friends, shall serve as Blakk Frogg’s words of wisdom for the day.

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On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, “Are there any friendly bears listening?”

After a moment, another voice replied, “Yes, I’m a friendly bear,” and then another voice, “I’m a friendly bear too!”

At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link.

When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, “You’re not a very friendly bear, are you?”

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If you’ve not yet checked out Da’ Blakk Frogg Blog, a pack of horny bears will ravgage your bunghole and leave you lying naked on the floor of a truckstop restroom.

A small zoo in Oklahoma had a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.

Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:

1. “First”, Bobby Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.”

The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

2. “Second”, he said, “You can’t never tell no one about this.”

The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. “Third”, Bobby Lee said, “I want all the chil’drun raised as Baptist.”

Once again it was agreed.

4. “And last of all”, Bobby Lee stated, “You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.00.”

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