Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.

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“Oh, boy! I’m glad you’re here,” the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother’s side.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because now Daddy will do the trick he’s been promising us.”

“What trick?”

“Well, he told Mommy that if you came to visit, he would climb the walls.”

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I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone.

I said “Morning.”

He said, “No, just taking a shit.”

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“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.”

“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew.

“I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

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The baby was coming way too fast so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for them.

Despite the difficulties, all went well and the mother delivered a baby boy. The paramedic smacked him on the behind and he began to cry.

Looking over at the wide eyed little girl, the paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She said, “That naughty boy should have never crawled in there. Spank him again!”

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Two rednecks were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man’s face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Do you have any tobacco?” asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.

“Go faster!” said the passenger. “I don’t want to see him again!” So the driver pushed the speedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.

“Do you have a light?” said the old man’s face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.

“Drive faster!” said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. “What do you want from us?” screamed the passenger.

The old man gently replied “You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?”

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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut. After a while she takes out a snack cake and begins eating.

The barber smiles at her and says, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your twinkie.”

“I know, “she replies. “I’m gonna get boobies, too.”

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