Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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Blakk Frogg has finally found the ULTIMATE REDNECK MYSPACE COMMENT and you can get the (free) code for it…… HERE.

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Poke around that site for more than 1,400 other great funny, sarcastic, sexy, slutty and sometimes just plain stupid Myspace Comments. Keep in mind, though, that Blakk Frogg has a warped sense of humor, so you never know what he’ll add next!

And that’s a very good thing, damn it! 😛

Motorcycle enthusiasts like Blakk Frogg suggest that people take excellent care of their machines in order to make sure they operate properly and perform flawlessly on (or off) the road.

Some folks take those suggestions a bit too far…

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Note: For those not exactly familiar with proper motorcycle care, laying a bike down in that manner causes oil to creep up onto the heads… which is NOT good for the bike. And that, dear friends, concludes our mechanics lesson for today.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

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Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

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After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Sorry, folks, but this postings contains a random rant by Blakk Frogg, not a joke…..  Deal with it!

Many years ago people tried their hardest to get Blakk Frogg to drink Guinness Beer. They told him how good it tasted, how it went well with this food, that food, by itself, etc. Needless to say Blakk Frogg couldn’t STAND the taste of the stuff.

Now, however, he would KILL for a chance to sit at one of his favorite pubs/taverns back home with giant platter of steamed clams (w/ hot sauce!) in front of him and a cold, freshly poured Guinness beer at the ready. Times change, right?

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Now granted the above cartoon does illustrate a good point, but hey…. the beer tastes good and the clams w/ hot sauce alongside it taste even better!

Guinness on Tap + Good Clams + Blakk Frogg = Good Times Guaranteed!

Back in grade school Blakk Frogg used to get in trouble all the time for acting like a fool in school… and for rhyming words like turds and birds.

He did not, however, get in trouble for saying things like, “You should have seen the size of the dick walking in the road this morning!”

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Some people either have no life or lose drunken bar bets way too often. da’ blakk frogg joke blog takes no reponsibility for other bar patrons’ ridiculous claims after they drink their 7th beer, but it will make fun of them for days on end afterwards. Guaranteed.

Have you seen the newly added sarcastic myspace comments yet? If not, well… YOU SUCK!

On my work to work this morning I got cut off by this dick in a truck…

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free myspace pics, comments & graphics

Yeah… definitely a giant dick in that truck. So, so rude. He’s lucky I didn’t develop road rage and castrate him!

Hope all well out there wherever the hell you live!

– blakk frogg

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

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Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

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Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name.

Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me”.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if … he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

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Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide:

SCENARIO:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities and some seemingly unintelligible things about Jihad, raises the knife, and charges at you with the tenacity of a raging rhino.

You are carrying a Glock 40 handgun and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Below are your options, in no particular order:

• The Democrat’s Reply
• The Republican’s Reply
• The Southerner’s Reply

Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:

I am 92 years old.

Defense Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:

There I was, sitting there in my swing, on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:

No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:

No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:

No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

Well, by then, I was feeling really “spicy” so I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me!”

Defense Attorney:

Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:

Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fools!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard!

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