What’s the definition of a perfect woman?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and, at midnight, turns into a [...]

First-year students at North Carolina State University’s Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, “In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a [...]

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”
The little boy replied, “My daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”
The [...]

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, [...]

If you can’t eat it or screw it,
Piss on it and walk away.

An 80 year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, “Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?”
The doctor considered his question [...]