1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy—–for a year!!!!!
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream, “LOL, LOL.”
4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ……instead of ICU!
5. You sign off and your screen says you were [...]

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if [...]

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.”
This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came [...]

On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn’t answer the phone.
The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn’t answer, but decided to wrap [...]

One Monday morning, Roy, the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
“Wow Bob, looks like you [...]

1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.
2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. “Mom, I’m in McDonald’s and they’re playing our song. [...]

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, “I bet you can’t tell me something to make me happy and sad at the same time.”
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, “Your pecker is bigger than your brother’s …”
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Simply Frogg loves you long time.

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhoea.
Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.”
Replied the widow, “Yes, I know [...]

A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. [...]

What’s the definition of a perfect woman?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and, at midnight, turns into a [...]