Tired of not knowing the hip and trendy terms your co-workers use in their conversations at the water cooler? Unsure as to whether or not their nouveau words and slick phrases have anything to do with you? If so, then Blakk Frogg has you covered with this handy and convenient Office Terminology Guide for 2007:
1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Ex: I often find that blamestorming sessions take a lot less time when we pin the guilt on someone not present to defend themselves.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. Ex: You know, it’s seagull managers like her that make me wanna’ bring loaded weapons to work in the morning.
3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Ex: Steven used his powers of assmosis to weasel his way into the corner office despite not a f$#king thing all last quarter. I hate that guy!
4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Ex: Because no one got Holiday Bonuses this year, Mark has decided that we should change the term ‘payday’ to salmon day.
5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles. Ex: It took me three weeks to learn how to navigate my way through this cube farm when I started working here.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. Ex: The sound of Stephanie throwing a stapler at Jack’s head because he kept staring at her cleavage caused quite a bit of prarie dogging.
7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato. Ex: Watching all that irritainment (see below for definition) has turned Tony into an absolute mouse potato… and loser in life.
8. SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. Ex: Yuppie couples typically find themselves in sitcoms once they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. Ex: I have aften found that stress puppies make excellent scapegoats once the blamestorming begins.
10. SWIPEOUT : An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. Ex: Excessive Holiday spending turned all the plastic in my wallet into total swipeouts.
