Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment, sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a closer look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely………A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k!?”

Two patients limp into two different Medical Clinics with the same complaint.

Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another month, and finally has his surgery scheduled for a year from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever; The second is a Senior Citizen.

Anyone who has had a loved one in the hospital — or has been in the hospital — will appreciate this.

A woman called a local hospital. “Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I’d like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected or getting worse.”

The voice on the other end asked, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

“Sarah Finkel, Room 302.”

“I’ll connect you to the nursing station.”

“Third floor nursing station. How can I help you?”

“I’d like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302.”

“Just a moment, let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is very well. In fact she had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home on Tuesday.”

The woman said, ” What a relief! Oh, that’s fantastic. That’s wonderful news.”

The nurse said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it, you are a close family member, or are you a very close friend?”

“Neither. I’m Sarah Finkel in Room 302. Nobody tells me shit.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

The Doctor says: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”

Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

The Doctor says: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”

Translation: I don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

The Doctor says: “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”

Translation: I think I’m going to throw up.

The Doctor says: “This may smart a little.”

Translation: Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

The Doctor says: “Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?”

Translation: I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.

The Doctor says: “This should fix you up.”

Translation: The drug salesman who took me to lunch last week guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

The Doctor says: “Everything seems to be normal.”

Translation: I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.

The Doctor says: “I’d like to run some more tests.”

Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the geeky kid in the lab can solve this one.

The Doctor says: “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”

Translation: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

The Doctor says: “Why don’t you slip out of your things.”

Translation: I don’t enjoy this any more than you do, but I’ve got to warm my fingers up somehow.

The Doctor says: “If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment next week.”

Translation: I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.

The Doctor says: “There is a lot of that going around.”

Translation: My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.

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