Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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For most (rational) people, the idea of bacon not making sense does not compute. Square peg does not fit in the round hole and two plus two does not equal five, ya’ know what we mean?

So anyways, bacon equals bliss and we know of not one single time when bacon does not make sense. With that said, we DO know of an improper way to cook bacon, and naturally, we witnessed this near-calamity in our own home after a long night of drinking… and discussing bacon.

While we do not know for sure if the person who began the bacon cooking process meant to lay this out and proceed with the cooking as shown or not, because they passed out on the balcony, we do know that this particular bacon situation would have resulted in a Bacon Disaster.

No one likes a Bacon Disaster. No one.

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One can hardly watch TV these days without seeing one of those commercials where a person’s front door gets kicked in by a wannabe home invader, the home security alarm goes off, and the chickensh!t bad guy runs away like a little sissy. Blakk Frogg cannot STAND those commercials.

Well anyways, those commercials suck and they really don’t portray the REAL problem with home security these days. Yeah, sure, the poser of a bad guy took off like a beaten poodle when the alarm went off ‘cuz the goofball smashed the door in, but what about the bacon, huh?

Does an alarm go off when some terrible soul decides to raid the fridge during a house party? The poor bacon gets left to fend for itself — a real travesty.

Poor, poor bacon left to the mercy of strangers rummaging through the fridge looking for anything they can get their hands on…

Well not at Blakk Frogg’s house! He went and got him a Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System. Yep. His bacon has 24 hour protection whether in the fridge, on the counter, or just coming the front door from the store.

Weighing somewhere around 10 pounds, the Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System requires very little maintenance, operates if the power goes out (w/o batteries), and does not rely on some putz earning minimum wage in a ‘high tech call center’.

See below for a picture of Heavily Clawed Bacon Defense System in standby mode.

So there you have it, all you bacon thieves. We DARE you to try and steal MY bacon! You’ll lose so much skin so fast that even Hannibal Lechter will say, “Whoa, sir. That’s a lot of skin!”

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