Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

OK, we have had it up to HERE with all these fast food restaurants and chain restaurants filling up the airwaves, billboards and television commercials with their “Five Dollar” and “Dollar Menu” specials. Give it up, guys… Seriously. We get it already.

Have you ever wondered what exactly makes up the components of a “Value Meal”, what grade of ingredients go into a “five dollar meal”, and/or how much better you could eat for just two or three more dollars if you gave your dining plans more though than simply recalling the last overplayed commercial you heard or saw and marching sheep to the slaughter?

Well obviously WE did think about that ‘cuz we wrote a blog posting about it after discovering that in a sleepy little town in Orangeburg, SC we can get a sandwich that looks and tastes far better than…

Example of a ‘Five Dollar Special’ — Looks Kinda’ Sad, Right?

We won’t TELL you who made the sandwich above, but we feel confident you can figure that out on your own. If not, then no one, not even the God of Bacon Him or Herself can help you…

Oh, and did you even SEE any bacon on that sandwich? Nothing! Not even a small, salty sliver! Horifying! Absolutely horrifying!

Moving on, though, wouldn’t you rather stop into a place like Four Moons for lunch where you can get a sandwich like…

Triple Decker Sandwich… Has Visible Bacon!

Now for just a few dollars more we can get a sandwich that has large chunks of meaty, salty, tasty bacon piled high. No brainer, right?

So to conclude, perhaps YOU ought to expand your culinary range and explore some of your local eateries so that you, too, can find your own Four Moons lunchtime feast… instead of eating another one of those bargain priced meals.

The old addage still rings as true today as it did 100’s of years ago: You Get What You Pay For!

Every great once in a while a photo opportunity will come our way that we simply cannot turn down. This time a bombshell of a babe with a Harley Davidson practically begged us to photograph her and her motorcycle next to some totally gorgeous bacon.

Our mommas taught us better than to turn down the polite request of young lady with a healthy rack, so…

A recent study released by the Institute for the Development of Ridiculously Stupid Bacon Claims states that consuming large amounts of bacon and sausage will cure a hangover.

“After studying the results obtained from a double blind, half somersault experiment conducted at a friend’s house, we concluded that eating as much bacon and sausage after a long night of drinking will, in fact, cure a hangover… as long as you sleep a lot, drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids, and wait 48 hours before attempting to do anything useful.”

Critics argue that the study will give uneducated people the wrong idea about bacon’s healing powers and encourage people to drink excessively only because they think they will have an easy way to get around hangovers.

Authors of the study replied to that accusation by saying, “Uneducated people get what they deserve! If anyone takes studies like this seriously, well, they deserve a throbbing headache, nausea, cold sweats and vomiting!”

When we first told people about this pre-dinner treat that our waitress at Four Moons Restaurant slopped down in front of us, many people gave us funny looks and asked, “Uh, duck? With melon sorbet? WTF?!?”

At first we also wondered about the combination but once we stuffed this culinary treat into our feed holes, well, all doubts and suspicions vanished quicker than money from our bank accounts after a payroll direct deposit!

It may not look like much, partially due to the crappy photography skills and equipment that we possess, but it tasted AWESOME!

For those who have never had prosciutto, let alone DUCK prosciutto, you have seriously missed out on a kick ass meat! Now go out and try some, ya’ silly bastards!

In the past you have read how we save precious seconds in the morning by preparing bacon and other breakfast treats the night before. What you have NOT yet seen, though, may shock you.

Sometimes we get creative with the way in which we store the pre-cooked breakfast treats. Note: This usually happens after a long night of drinking… right before we head off to bed.

Judge us by our love of bacon and all its yummy friends and not by our art skills, please!

While the bacon does rule our Universe, and all neighboring Universes as well, sometimes people go a little too far with their bacon worship practices… and use bacon in inappropriate ways.

No, we don’t mean some sicko has locked himself in a room with a stack of Playboy or Hustler magazines and 5 pounds of raw bacon. We DO mean that some people add bacon to foods that, in our opinion, ought to have remained bacon-less.

As an example, some creative bastards apparently got stoned one day and blended up a batch of bacon flavored ice cream.

We say, “Hooray” for the presence of bacon, of course… but we really don’t feel all that good about the idea of mixing bacon with our ice cream.

Actually, we feel a bit nauseous right now.

Hungry for a really nice chicken sandwich w/ bacon? Cool! You came to the right place! Below you will see everything you need to assemble a chicken sandwich w/ bacon that will knock your grandmother’s socks off!

We did not include bread in that photo because we don’t CARE about bread at our house. We have some and we eat it but we certainly don’t care about it for you see, in our world ONLY MEAT MATTERS!

We make exceptions for things like cheese because it comes from meat and pasta sauce because it usually shows up in a dish that contains… meat.

In the next photo, though, we included bread… but only because it has cheese and pasta sauce on it!

These sandwiches tasted GOOD. End of story.

Oh, you filthy-minded bacon lovers! I bet you thought you would see something DIRTY when you clicked the link and got to this page! Ha ha.

Black Pepper Bacon, Plumrose Premium Bacon and… You!

Well who doesn’t get all excited when they think about bacon and s-e-x, right? If the thought of getting into it with two hot, lean, salty types of bacon doesn’t get your motor running, you should seek professional help!

Here… Let our Bacon Nurses show you to your room…

We hope you enjoy the happy ending bacon massage! Ha ha…

Like serial killers trying to relive the moment of their last kill, we have returned to the scene of the crime… and brought with us some black pepper coated bacon for the ride! So, so tasty!

The black pepper coated bacon that captured the attention of our tastebuds comes from WalMart… and it comes in 24 ounce packages instead of 12 or 16 ounce packages like most other brands.

After doing a little math, and comparison shopping, we discovered that the per ounce cost for the pepper coated bacon exceeds the per ounce costs of ‘regular’ bacon by only a few pennies and that it does not come anywhere near the (inflated!) per ounce costs of some ‘premium’ brands of bacon.

Bacon that looks great, smells great, cooks great, tastes great… and doesn’t break the bank. How can any rational bacon-loving person not love THAT?

Ever get shot at… by bacon? We have. Not so much with this kind of bacon, though. Yeah, sure, it takes a few cheap shots at you like ALL bacon does when it cooks, but at least THIS type of bacon has yet to put bacon grease stains two feet the wall behind the stove like several other types have.

Now substitute your face for the wall. Yes. Bacon grease can and will go after your face from time to time so always keep your guard up when cooking even the finest grade of bacon.

If the site of that bacon does not make you start drooling, you really ought to check your pulse. Seriously.

Now if you will please excuse us, we have to go and get us some bacon! All this talk about bacon has made us HUNGRY!

We have never figured out for sure what makes a product ‘premium’, though we have noticed that things labeled as premium tend to cost more… so perhaps if you want something you manufacture to become ‘premium’, just raise the price, right?

Seems silly, and once more we digress from our intended topic… BACON!

Today’s bacon review features Plumrose Premium Bacon which normally comes with a pricetag that we don’t like… but we found it for a really great sale recently so here goes nothing!

Now that you have seen the packaging, which really did not inspire any feelings of bacon lust or bacon desire within our souls, we will now show you raw, naked bacon up close and personal. Parental discretion advised.

Wow! Did you see the size of her… Huh? Oh, right. Gotta’ keep this PG-13. Ha ha.

So anyways, the bacon looked pretty damn good laying out all naked like that… so we just HAD to turn up the heat, ya’ know?

Now who wants to see a ‘before and after’ picture featuring… bacon?

Verdict: We felt this bacon definitely lived up to its ‘premium’ labeling despite not costing us a week’s wages. It gave off a really good smell right out of the pack and cooked up relatively easily w/o shooting an excessive number of hot grease globs at us (see August 10, 2009’s Bacon Review: Fresh Market Bacon). We award Plumrose Premium Bacon 3.81 slices (out of 5) and suggest you try it next time it goes on sale.

Why wait for it to go on sale? Simple: Even bacon tastes better when you get it for less money, stupid!