Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Two buddies, George and Terry, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Terry throws up all over himself. “Oh, no. Now Carolyn will kill me!”

George says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell Carolyn that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually, Terry strolls into his home where Carolyn starts to give him a really hard
time.

“You reek of alcohol and you’ve puked all over yourself! My God, you’re disgusting!”

Speaking very carefully and doing his best not to slur, Terry says, “Nowainaminit, I can e’splain everythin! Itsh not wha j! ew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me . . . he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an’gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”

Carolyn looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks!”

“Oh, yeah… I almos’ fergot, … he shhhit in my pants, too.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor of a small town in Ireland.

One day he was walking down the high street, when he noticed a young lady from his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn’t happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the young woman.

“Miss Fitzgerald”, he said sternly. “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?

“Sure”, she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar she began to weave back and forth.

The Reverend realizing that she’d had far too much to drink grabbed her arms to steady her. As he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around on the floor for a minute or two, the Reverend somehow wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist revealing she had no undies on.

The pub landlord looked over and said, “Aye, mate, we won’t have any of that sort carrying on in this here pub.”

The embarrassed reverend looked up at the landlord and said, “But sir, ya don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fluff.”

The landlord nodded and said, “Oh well, if ye’re that far in lad, ya’ might just as well finish the job.”

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A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO — he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they’ll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr Smith is there and his ! wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police still have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.