Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt’s name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale.
“I need to get your weight today,” said the nurse.
Without a moment’s hesitation, my aunt replied, “One hour and 45 minutes!”
A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up.
Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”
The doctor interrupts, “Nine…”
08 Jun, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Political Humor|Sarcastic
An Israeli doctor says “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”
A German doctor says “That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.”
A Russian doctor says “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”
The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says “You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for two years, and now half the country is looking for work.”
19 May, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Political Humor|Sarcastic
There were three plastic surgeons having cocktails and boasting on particular skills and achievements.
The first doctor says, “I’m so good that one patient of mine lost all the digits of both hands. I reattached them with such cunning that today his is an award-winning concert pianist who plays all over the world.”
The second doctor says, “I’m better for I had a patient who lost both his arms and legs. I reattached with such artistry that today his is an olympic gold medalist in both winter and summer games.”
The third doctor says, “Yes, those are OK, but I had a patient once and all I had to work with was a cowboy hat and an asshole and today he is president of the United States.”
The Doctor says: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
The Doctor says: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
Translation: I don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
The Doctor says: “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”
Translation: I think I’m going to throw up.
The Doctor says: “This may smart a little.”
Translation: Last week two patients bit through their tongues.
The Doctor says: “Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?”
Translation: I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.
The Doctor says: “This should fix you up.”
Translation: The drug salesman who took me to lunch last week guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.
The Doctor says: “Everything seems to be normal.”
Translation: I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.
The Doctor says: “I’d like to run some more tests.”
Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the geeky kid in the lab can solve this one.
The Doctor says: “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”
Translation: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.
The Doctor says: “Why don’t you slip out of your things.”
Translation: I don’t enjoy this any more than you do, but I’ve got to warm my fingers up somehow.
The Doctor says: “If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment next week.”
Translation: I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.
The Doctor says: “There is a lot of that going around.”
Translation: My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.
