Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

There’s this couple and they’ve been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she won’t sleep with him because she’s saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, he’s very hot and bothered, and he said, “Oh come on, just a feel.”

She said, “No, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

They went back and forth. He said, “Just one feel, I promise, that’s all, just one feel.”

She finally agreed, “Okay, just one feel, but that’s all, just one, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, “Can’t we please?”

She of course states, “NO, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

He says, “Please, please?” and she says, “No, absolutely not, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

He says, “How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?”

She says, “No way, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

He begs and pleads with her, “I promise, just the tip, no more,and we’ll stop after that.”

She finally gives in, “Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that’s all.”

He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in… he’s so hot and ready that he can’t control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town… she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, “OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!”

A little stunned, he says, “NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!”

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Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asked Darla, “How do you spell ‘dumb’?”

Darla said, “D-u-m-b, dumb.”

The teacher said, “Very good. Now use it in a sentence.”

The girl said, “Buckwheat is dumb.”

Now spell “stupid.”

Darla said, “S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid.”

The teacher said, “Very good. Now use it in a sentence.”

Darla said, “Buckwheat is stupid.”

Then the teacher called on Buckwheat and said, “Buckwheat, spell ‘dictate.'”

Buckwheat stood up and said, “D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate.”

The teacher replied, “Very good. Now use it in a sentence.”

“I may be dumb, and I may be stupid. . . . but Darla says my dictate good.”

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A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she’s telling them that the word of the day is ‘contagious.’ She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands.

“Carl,” she says.

Carl says, “My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps ’cause they’re contagious.”

“Very good,” says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, “The atmosphere was contagious.”

The teacher says, “Excellent, Suzie!”

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. “Yes, Johnny?”

Johnny says, “The other day, me and my dad’s a-sittin’ around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, ‘Jesus, it’s gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'”

[ Taco Bell Dog Addicted to Heroin? ]

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A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, Preacher, I sure am.”

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked.

“Nooo, I didn’t!” said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”

“Noooo, I have not, Reverend.”

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?”

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher… “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

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Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can’t stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it’s that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

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Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren’t you glad you use it? Don’t you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey — you never know.

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going…

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can’t have just one.

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An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of Hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting Through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally Qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one Question. Their answer would determine which of them would get The job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference Room table.

The interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you Know of?’

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man Replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer. ‘And now You sir?’ He asked the second man.

Hmm.! … Let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and You don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.

Excellent!’ said the interviewer. ‘The blink of an Eye, that’s a very popular clich? for speed.’

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating His reply.

Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the House and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that Switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on In less than an instant. Yep,TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.’

The interviewer was very impressed with the third Answer and thought he had found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the Speed of light,’ he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the Interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After Hearing the three previous answers, It’s obvious to me that the Fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’

‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

‘Oh I can explain.’ said Old Bubba. ‘You see the other Day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, Before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already Shit my pants.’

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Consumer interest in the 79.9% credit card called ‘phenomenal’. Blakk frogg calls it STUPID, OUTRAGEOUS, APPALLING and DISGRACEFUL.

Read the article: ‘Phenomenal’ Interest in Credit Card w/ 79.9% Rate

Blakk Frogg feels certain that somewhere on the application it has a mandatory checkbox labeled, “Check this box if you have read and fully understand the Terms of this Agreement. You must check this box to receive Approval. Please bend over.”

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While many of you probably expect Blakk Frogg to write about how he pays for everything in cash and cut up all his credit cards 10 years ago… Ha! Fat chance of THAT!

Your friend Blakk Frogg got sucked into the depths of credit card debt not once, but TWICE and STILL has ridiculous payments to make each month. Life’s unexpected events (such as losing one’s job unexpectedly a few times) can really screw up a person’s financial plans, ya’ know?

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So why did Blakk Frogg decide to write about the credit card with a staggering and downright shameful 79.9% interest rate? Simple: The fact that some Americans, roughly 2% of the people who received the application by mail according to the article, find themselves in such a bad financial position that getting bent over a barrel and taking the bank’s big stick of abuse deep and hard makes sense… does not make sense.

Blakk Frogg remembers reading about times in American History when Americans thrived on overcoming the odds and succeeding in the face of adversity. At this time, however, he does not see that unfortunate 2% ever beating the odds and reclaiming their financial freedom.

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It sucks that people find themselves in such crappy places in life that they think a credit card with an interest rate rivaling that of a loan shark will work as a lifeline. Too bad the level of desperation in their lives does not allow them to see that the credit card more closely resembles an ever-tightening noose than anything else.

Sorry for wasting your time with this purposeless rant. It just pisses Blakk Frogg off that the same industry guilty of luring unwary citizens to their doom with ridiculous offers of credit and handing out mortgages to people knowing full well the people could not afford the payments has found yet another way to ruin people’s lives.

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Seems to Blakk Frogg that only the American people have to stand accountable for their mistakes in judgment and financially irresponsible ways… while the ‘Fat Cat Banks’ with grossly overpaid Executives just keep getting fatter and fatter off the blood, sweat and endless nights of tears pouring from the worried eyes of hardworking Americans.

Poetic… and pathetic.

It amazes Blakk Frogg that signs like this get posted. Seriously, folks… If you have to look at a sign like this for instructions on how to properly check a baby’s diaper, well, maybe you ought not to have had children in the first place! Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that jamming your hand down the back of a diaper to check for poop will end badly most times?

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Oh, now you certainly didn’t think Blakk Frogg had nothing more to add to this early morning posting, did you? Shame on you! Blakk Frogg can ALWAYS find a way to expand on something as ridiculous as diaper changing instructions!

Watch this:

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Yep. He got the ‘poo finger’ and wants to wipe it on you!

A fleeing al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find
water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man
at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, “Do you have any water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5.”

The Arab shouted, “Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an
overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water
first.”

“OK ,” said the old Jew, “it does not matter that you do not want to buy
a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am a bigger person.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom.”

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. “Your brother
won’t let me in without a tie.”

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A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you are having sex?”

“Well, yes, I actually did once.”

“And how did your husband look?”

“Angry, very angry.”

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well that’s very interesting, we must look into this further.

“Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband’s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?”

“He was looking through the window at us!”

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