Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A man walks into a lawyer’s office and asks how much the barrister’s rates are. The lawyer says, “Fifty dollars for three questions.”

The man asks, “Isn’t that awfully expensive?”

“Yes,” the lawyer replies. “What’s your third question?”

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Blakk Frogg REALLY hates it when people try to make themselves sound ‘witty’ or ‘cool’ by making completely obvious plays on words… like the cartoon below.

I went to a psychiatrist because I was having severe problems with my sex life. The psychiatrist asked me a lot of questions, but didn’t seem to be getting a clear picture of my problems.

Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your girlfriend’s face while you’re having sex?”

“Well, yes, I did once.”

“Well, how did she look?”

“Oh boy… she looked VERY angry!”

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well that’s very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend’s face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual to me. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?”

“She was watching us through the window!”

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Everything I needed to know in life… I learned from Tom & Jerry. Seriously. I did. Explains a LOT, right?

Keeping Score w/ Tom & Jerry

A blonde’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this highway occurs.

It’s not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the hell is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.

“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!” asks the cop…

And she said….

(This is good…)

(Ready?)

(Remember, she’s a blonde…)

“Those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.

Flash Me! I’m Bored!

Some people look at life in a way that makes ya’ think, “Wow. He (or she) has a unique perspective.” Realists do that sort of thing. They keep it real!

Half Full? Half Empty? This is Piss!

Lonely Old Man’s New Friend

An older guy was somewhat lonely and decided he needed a pet to keep him company. So, off to the pet shop he went. He searched and searched but none of the pets seemed to catch his interest… except for this ugly frog. As he walked by the jar it was in, he looked and it winked at him.

It whispered, “I’m so lonely, too. Buy me and take me home with you. You won’t ever be lonely again.”

The old guy figured, what the heck… He hadn’t found anything else. So, he bought the frog and he placed it in the car on the front seat beside him.

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As he was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to him, “Kiss me and you won’t be sorry.”

So the old guy figured, what the heck, and kissed the frog.

Immediately The frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, beautiful princess.

The princess then returned the old man’s kiss.

Suddenly, the old guy felt himself changing from her kiss.

Can you guess what he turned into?

C’mon…. Be a sport. Take a guess.

He turned into…

The first motel he could find!

He’s old…. not DEAD!

Never really though about this one before, but costumes available for men and women do come in very different sorts. For males the costumes overflow with courage, confidence and bravery. Women’s costumes overflow with… cleavage.

Not complaining, just saying…

For those searching for a way to politely decline unwanted Valentine attention, do NOT do something like this:

Do not shoot Cupid or ANYone this Valentine’s Day…
Seriously. Not. Worth. It. Seriously.

“Rejection spells the end of a fantasy, not life” — Blakk Frogg

Just… Wow. As funny as the message in this fake Valentine appears, several companies actually sell kits like this.

Love Does Not Have To Hurt… Ya’ Know?

Looking for a way to ‘ease the pain’ in someone’s life? Undercover Condoms has a few things that may do the trick.

And, as Blakk Frogg always says, safety during the ‘numbers game’ called finding love requires one to think about the possibility of catching an itch that won’t ever go away!