Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

In 1986, Mike Mason was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mason approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mason worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mason stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Mason never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mason was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mason and his son were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mason, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mason couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Mason summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mason’s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

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Sarcastic MySpace Comments
sarcasm makes me happy…. not that you care, though. Bitch.

Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward this message immediately to every warm-blooded American Citizen you can think of. We have three weeks to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America.

THE PROGRAM IS THIS:

On Tuesday, September 11th, 2007, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this anniversary of our country’s worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times a n d it shouldn’t take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.

Action Plan: So, here’s what we need you to do…

(1) Forward this message to everyone you know (at least 11 people). Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.

(2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don’t, then at least make it a priority on this day.

Thank you for your participation.

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Get your Patriotic MySpace Comments and show your pride in the Good ‘Ole US of A!

Blakk Frogg says, “Married life change your life whether you like it or not.”

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A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love with his new bride, couldn’t wait to go out on the town drinking with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back…”

“Where are you going, sweetheart?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think to say was, “Yes, my little angel, …but at the bar, …you know, …they have frozen glasses and…”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, puppy face?” She took of many huge beer mugs out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t belong.”

“I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, my love?” She opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, stuffed mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

“But sweet honey… at the bar… you know… there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, dear?… “LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F$#KING BEER IN YOUR GOD-DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF$#KING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, A$$HOLE?!?”

…And, they lived happily ever after.

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The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need … a new suit. That will make me feel a little better.”

He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see … size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit … it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Joe was surprised. “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let’s see … size 36.” Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

• New suit — $400
• New shirt — $36
• New underwear — $6
• Second Opinion — PRICELESS

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Find more great jokes like this one at…. Simply Frogg

After reading this, I hope all women can finally understand and appreciate just how difficult the male role is!!!

After 4 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore, it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it’s the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion.

Routine:

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine….

5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women…

More jokes at… Simply Frogg!

Blakk Frogg warns you to watch your step because the sarcasm, jokes and kick ass MySpace Comment Pictures pile up quickly around here… and you certainly wouldn’t want to track any of THAT stuff into your life by mistake.

Also, try to watch out for those pesky Girls for MySpace ‘cuz they’ll distract you from your normal routine and make you forget your wife’s name…. if you have a wife, that is.

Tracking fun stuff like Blakk Frogg enjoys back into your life on purpose, however, comes highly recommended from the man, er, Frogg, himself.

St. Patrick’s Day: the one day of the year when the 2% of the world’s population that’s Irish gets the other 98% completely shitfaced.

Leg 1: 7 a.m. to 9 a.m.

Rise and shine early. Take a long, hot shower, and liberally use aftershave, perfume, cologne, deodorant and powders afterwards, because by 3 p.m., you will be excreting raw alcohol and other poisons, and without proper preparations, you will smell like a three-day dead cat wrapped in a fraternity carpet.

The bars open at 9, so use this time to prepare. Collect the following supplies and put them in a place where you will easily be able to find it in an impaired condition. We recommend the bathroom floor, between the toilet and the baseboard heater, since that’s where you’ll probably end up:

1 quart spring water
1 bottle aspirin
5 pairs Depends undergarment
1 bottle Percocet
1 gram morphine sulphate
1 oz. human adrenaline extract
1 precharged electric defibrillator
4 Cardiac needles
1 trauma surgeon

Brew a strong pot of coffee. Add 9 oz. Jameson Irish whiskey, drink. Note that coffee should be drunk liberally throughout the day. There is a reason that the Irish invented Irish Coffee; unless you ingest a large volume of artificial stimulants throughout the course of St. Patrick’s Day, you are going to die.

Arrange to be picked up to be taken to the bar by 8:45 a.m. We cannot stress enough that you should not drink and drive. There is no reason to chance losing your license or killing someone in a drunken state when you have plenty of idiot “friends” willing to take that risk on your behalf.

– Use These Links to Continue Drinking –
First Leg | Second Leg | Third Leg
Fourth Leg | Fifth Leg