Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A beautiful young blonde was so depressed over her failed Broadway acting career that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.

“You have so much to live for,” said the sailor. “Look, I’ m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe.”

“I see,” the captain says.

“Plus,” she adds coyly, “he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” replied the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

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First Class Accomodations Provided by….. Blakk Frogg

A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde who waves at him and says hello.

He’s rather taken back because he can’t figure out why he knows her, yet he knows he does so he walks up slowly and asks politely, “Do you know me?”

To which she casually replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Taken back by her remark, he thinks back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My god. Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with in front of all my buddies while your partner whipped me with wet celery?”

To which she replied, “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.”

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Catch a great laugh at Simply Frogg, ya’ heard?

One afternoon a little girl returned from school and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.

Amused, her mother replied: “Really, sweetie, why don’t you tell me all about it?”

The little girl explained, “Well… Okay… the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy’s thing sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that’s how you get babies.”

Her Mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye and said, “Oh, honey, that’s sweet, but that’s not how you get babies. That’s how you get jewelry.”

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Yep. Blakk Frogg definitley pissed off some folks with that joke……  Good.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together.

They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a bottom shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him… they kiss… and then they rip each other’s clothes …. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it?”

The guy says, “Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf.”

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Yep. Blakk Frogg loves a good joke….. and there are lots of them on SimplyFrogg.Com

A study conducted by Blakk Frogg’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of man a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies in this area have been cancelled.

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It gets no funnier than Simply Frogg and Americas Best.

Every once in a while Blakk Frogg comes across a graphic that expresses the way he feels so well that it almost makes him cry…. Almost, he says. Almost.

Below you will see an example of one of those graphics:

Americas Best MySpace Patriotic Comments

What does it mean? Even if you don’t support the Wars, the men and women fighting in them DESERVE your support….. ALL OF IT!

– blakk frogg

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Get your Patriotic MySpace Comments and wave your flags high and proud this weekend and EVERY weekend!

They found a use for the steel that came from the Twin Towers…..

Americas Best MySpace Patriotic Comments

They apparently took the steel and created the above ship, an extremely high-tech anti-terrorist activity vessel. Actions like this make Blakk Frogg glad to be an American.

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basics. How much do you weigh?” she asks.

“115,” I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 140.

The nurse asks, “Your height?”

“5 foot 8,” I say. The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5′ 5″.

She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I scream, “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”

She put me on prozac!!

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Americas Best and Simply Frogg will keep you laughing!

Blakk Frogg loves a good hospital emergency room story… as long as it didn’t come from events in HIS own life! Check out these wild’n’crazy, yet totally true stories from emergency rooms around the country:

FEMALE SOFA: A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. (got it confused for her vibrator maybe?)

PRICKLY PAIR… OUCH: In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had “…a rat in her privates…” which bit him during sex (a natural conclusion, no?). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy. (call the lawyers! call the lawyers!)

PING PONG ANYONE: A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you’d do the same, I’m sure!). The concrete then hardened (no need for psychics on THAT one!), causing constipation and extreme pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man’s rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Both now on display at the Museum of Bad Ideas in a town near you.)

BLIND DRUNK: A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (give him another drink and see what other parts this guy tries to remove!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH: A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. (carve it yourself steakhouses are fun!) The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (appetizer or main course?). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man’s penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go. (moral: any girl who gives bad head deserves a good, strong forking!)

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Find other stories to waste away the day at Simply Frogg

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.

  — Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. — Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. — Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids. — Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. — Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

 — Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. — Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich. — Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.

 — Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.

 — Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. — Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? — Kelvin, age 8

– And the #1 Favorite is –

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. — Ricky, age 10

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Get more useless stuff like this at Americas Best