Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, “What is a specimen?”

He replies, “Hell if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She’s a nurse.”

The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body.

“What in the world happened?” asked her husband.

“Damn if I know,” she replies. “I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go shit in her hat and then all hell broke loose.”

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Bored? The take your bored ass on over to Americas Best MySpace Comments for some fun!

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.”

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak. “Sweetheart, work with me on this,” he says. “Buy a ticket…”

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Blakk Frogg guarantees that you’ll get a good laugh at Simply Frogg.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a magnificent cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. “Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

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Find some good looking Girls for MySpace today, right now, at this moment…. oh, just go check out the site already! Sheesh.

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids.

He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.”

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address.

To this the manager replies, “You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day.”

Stunned, the man leaves Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers’ market and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives  home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly.

Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage The tomato company’s payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed over one million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.

Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail  address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he doesn’t have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you’d had all of that five years ago!”

“Ha!” snorts the man. “If I’d had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an hour.”

Which brings us to the moral of the story:

Since you got this story by e-mail, you’re probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I received it also.

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

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Everyone knows Blakk Frogg Projects kick ass, so what the hell are you waiting for?!?!?

Like a lot of folks in this country, Blakk Frogg has a job:  He gets up each morning, goes to work, puts in at LEAST solid 8 hours of work.  Every other week he gets a check.  Simple as that.

He then pays taxes on his earnings and the government distributes his tax dollars as it sees fit.

Here’s the kicker, though… In order to get that paycheck, he has to pass a random urine test, with which he has no problem.

He DOES, however, object to the distribution of his hard-earned tax dollars to people who DON’T have to pass a urine test.  He wonders WHY a person doesn’t have to pass a urine test in order to receive HIS money in the form of a welfare check.  Seriously… HE has to pass one in order to EARN that money so shouldn’t THEY have to pass one before receiving it?

Please understand that Blakk Frogg has no problem with helping people get back on their feet.  He does, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit around on their lazy ass using drugs… on his dime.

Think about how much money state, local and federal government agencies would save if aid recipients had to pass regular, or random, urine tests before they could receive a public assistance check.

Democrat, Republican, Conservative or Liberal, it does not matter.  If you agree with this message, spread the word. Otherwise your silence equals acceptance of the current situation… and you have no right to complain.

 – Blakk Frogg

This next item needs no introduction, so Blakk Frogg will shut the hell up and show it to you without further ado….

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Now kindly step away from the Vehicle and no one will get hurt….. except for the idiot in the corner whistling Dixie and stroking his meat puppet. That boy NEEDS an ass whipping!

– blakk frogg

Have you ever had such a horrible day/week/month/year/life that even a shit sandwich seemed appealing? Well have you ever SEEN a shit sandwich? Huh? Have you?????

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Well now you have. Don’t say Blakk Frogg never did you any favors. Still hungry?

– blakk frogg

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Come and get your Sarcastic MySpace Comments while they’re still hot and steaming…. like a fresh shit sandwich!

Today’s buzzword for business: MARKETING

While many people use this word quite frequently, a good many more people ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing”. For all those people who need a little clarity on the matter, read these Real World Marketing Examples:

You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call him and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you. That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!” That’s Junk Mail.

You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and grabs your butt… and he winds up Governor of California. You liked it at the time, but 20 years later, your attorney decides you were offended. That’s America.

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You can kiss Blakk Frogg’s smelly websites… and lick his goofy toes, too!

Everyone knows Blakk Frogg adores sarcasm. No secret there. So it makes perfect sense that he would thoroughly enjoy the ramblings of a man well-known for his quick wit, in-depth (and interesting) analysis of society’s ways, and, of course his sarcasm. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for…. George Carlin!

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn’t be new.
8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

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In case of boredom, break glass over head and visit Simply Frogg

The other day Blakk Frogg came across a folded up photograph in the hallway and this is what it said….

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Needless to say he quickly located two things:

1) The owner of the paper

2) A keg

– blakk frogg

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