Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.

“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”

She looked down at his shoes and said: “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

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“In My Bed, Thinking of You…”

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this

strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I

can’t forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly

during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in

my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

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You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any

reservations, you laid on my naked body…you sensed

my indifference, so you started to bite my body

without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me

crazy while you sucked me dry.

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Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you

were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only

the sheets bore witness to last night’s events.

My body still shows your marks, making it harder to

forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for

you… as soon you appear I will quickly grab you and

won’t let you go, will hold you with all my strength

so you won’t disappear. Won’t rest until l squeeze

your blood out….. you fucking little mosquito.

Blakk Frogg says, “Vanity can lead a man to an ugly truth he’d rather not know.”

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: “Not this time!”

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Thanks for tuning in to see the top fifteen MySpace Comments on Americas-Best.Com for the month of January 2007! You picked ’em so don’t blame us, damn it!

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Americas Best MySpace Comments

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Popular MySpace Comments 6 – 10

Blakk Frogg says, “Mortician who take work home is a sick, sick man. Wife should leave him and come to my place.”

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,” the mortician commented, “I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.”

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

“I have something to show you won’t believe,” he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

“My God!” the wife exclaimed, “Schwartz is dead!”

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Blakk Frogg says, “Modern art way too confusing. Thank goodness for old fashioned porn!”

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

“Hurry,” she said, “stand in the corner.” She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you,” she said. “Pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

“Oh it’s a statue,” she replied, “the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.”

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. “Here,” he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.”

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Blakk Frogg says, “One good turn deserves another, so turn around, go to the bar, and get me a beer!”

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

“Certainly, Sir , that’ll be one cent,” said the barman.

“One Cent?” the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”

“A nickel,” the barman replied.

“A nickel?!?” exclaimed the man. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The bartender replied: “Upstairs, with my wife.”

The man asked: “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”

The bartender replied: “The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”

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Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: “I have something I must confess.”

“There’s no need to,” his wife replied.

“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”

“I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”

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Blakk Frogg says, “Accidents and coincidence often collide on snowy roads. I have no idea what that means.”

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So…. you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days”.

Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God.”

The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

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Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….”

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them.

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