Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Today we will assault you with questions that will make you wonder about the very nature of mankind’s existence… or if Blakk Frogg really DOES have too much time on his hands.

1) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

2) Why do you have to “put your two cents in” … but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

3) Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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4) Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

5) What disease did cured ham actually have?

6) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

7) Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

8) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

9) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

10) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

11) Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural

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12) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

13) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

14) If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

15) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

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16) If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

17) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

18) Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

19) Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

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20) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

21) Do you now wonder why on Earth you spend time reading the stuff Blakk Frogg posts on this website?

Oh yeah? Well Blakk Frogg says…

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A hug leads to a kiss… a kiss leads 2 a finger… a finger leads to a hand… a hand leads to a lick… lick leads to a suck… a suck leads 2 a fuck.

So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this ‘cuz sex is like math:

“You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs… leave your solution… and pray you don’t Multiply!”

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball.”

Man – “That’s nice.”

Boy – “Want to buy it?”

Man – “No, thanks.”

Boy – “My dad’s outside.”

Man – “OK, how much?”

Boy – “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”

Man – “Yes, it is”.

Boy – “I have a baseball glove.” The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy – “$750”.

Man – “Sold.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

Boy -“$1,000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.

The Doctor says: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”

Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

The Doctor says: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”

Translation: I don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

The Doctor says: “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”

Translation: I think I’m going to throw up.

The Doctor says: “This may smart a little.”

Translation: Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

The Doctor says: “Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?”

Translation: I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.

The Doctor says: “This should fix you up.”

Translation: The drug salesman who took me to lunch last week guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

The Doctor says: “Everything seems to be normal.”

Translation: I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.

The Doctor says: “I’d like to run some more tests.”

Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the geeky kid in the lab can solve this one.

The Doctor says: “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”

Translation: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

The Doctor says: “Why don’t you slip out of your things.”

Translation: I don’t enjoy this any more than you do, but I’ve got to warm my fingers up somehow.

The Doctor says: “If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment next week.”

Translation: I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.

The Doctor says: “There is a lot of that going around.”

Translation: My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.

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A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall, not really doing anything. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!

The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, “I make $300 a week. Why?”

The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”

From across the room came a voice, “He was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

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A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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Wow. Blakk Frogg thinks the groom deserves a medal for courage under fire. For real. No lie. Seriously. He means it.

“You’ve got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it on his show.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the guests. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the Bride’s and his family and his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone and asked them to open up their envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his new bride having sex with the Best Man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said “F— You!”, then he turned to his bride and said, “F— You!”.

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said “I’m outta here!”

He had the marriage annulled the next day.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing ever happened.

His Revenge: making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000.00 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think he might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this?

• Elegant Wedding Reception for 300 guests: $32,000
• Wedding Photographs: $3,000
• Honeymoon in Maui: $8,500

The look on everyone’s face when they saw the 8×10 of the bride humping the best man? PRICELESS!

There are some things that money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MASTERCARD!“

Millions of people worldwide searched for this doll over the Holidays last year and, well, Blakk Frogg uncovered the reason WHY no one could find them on store shelves…

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee… He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed upthat there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

“I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday….”

“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”

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A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love passionately to her new husband, stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes, and accidentally let out an enormous fart.

She looked up bashfully, and said, “Aww. So sorry… Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!”

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South Carolina (A.P. Newswire) — Following a string of complaints from residents about unusually large numbers of men cruising up and down the streets of towns located throughout certain parts of South Carolina, State and Local law enforcement agents set out to catch these men and bring them to Justice.

After setting up surveillance to see what draws all these men out, the departments pooled their resources and came up with the perfect plan to catch them. To date, more than 740 men have been arrested thanks to the help of South Carolina’s newest law enforcement officer:

Click Here For A Picture of This Brave Agent in Action