Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren’t married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Steve was driving home from one of his business trips in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the man got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Steve tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

“What in bag?” asked the old man.

Steve looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The Navajo oman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said, “Good trade…..”

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.

She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car.

She looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car.

I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?

He said, “Sure.” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”

With gas prices as high as they are, some people have started using ‘gas additives’ to increase the number of miles per gallon their vehicles get.  While some folks go with traditional gas additives, others have resorted to ‘alternative gas additives’. . . .

Consumer Reports has not yet issued a study on the effectiveness of ‘alternative gas additives’, but this guy doesn’t care. He’s doing his part to cut back on fossil fuel consumption and that, friends, is all he cares about.

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called -(Beer)- The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague idea something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as a relationship. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as marriage. Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this ‘Beer‘ and the women administering it… there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys. For the support group nearest to you, just look up ‘Golf Courses‘, ‘Bar & Grill‘ or ‘Tavern‘ in your local phone book.

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk…
but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow…
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the store…
In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.

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7. This feels so good, it feels so right…
I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

6. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class…
especially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished.
But now I’m fulfilled… SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

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4. Through all the things that came to pass,
Our love has grown but so has your ass.

3. You’re a honey and you’re a cutie…
I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty.”

2. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny…
So, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!

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1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister…
you should see the one I gave your sister.

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In this post we will shw the ‘pussy’ a lot, so if you don’t like pussy, well, you better get the Hell out of here, ya’ big PUSSY.

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So there you have it, tons and tons of pussy. Hope you enjoyed it.

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

The last time I went to visit an elderly friend of mine at the nursing home I got told to wlk down the hall to the auditorium ‘cuz she had gone to play Bingo.

“OK, no problem.  I can hang out with a little Bingo w/ the old folks.  No sweat,” I thought to myself.

I had no idea what waited for me when I opened those doors.  I expected old people staring intently at their Bingo cards trying desperately to keep up w/ the odd combinations of letters and numbers coming out of the Bingo Caller’s mouth.

Instead, it seemed as though I arrived just a bit too early and saw this:

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Yep. A room full of old people getting ready to Bob Marley their way into winning big money.

Now who says old people don’t know how to have a good time, huh?

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one … “Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn’t have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father. “The important thing is that we’re all together today.”

Son number two arrived and announced, “You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.”

“It’s nothing,” said the father. “We’re glad you were able to come.”

Just then the daughter arrived, “Hello and happy anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing… so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”

Again the father said, “I really don’t care, at least the five of us are together today.”

After they had finished dessert, the father said, “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much but we just never found the time to get married.”

The three children gasp and said, “You mean we’re bastards?”

“Yes,” said the father. “And cheap ones too.”

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At the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”

80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.

“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any,” she replied, smiling sweetly.

“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” she replied.

“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

“I outlived the bitches.”

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