An Israeli doctor says “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”
A German doctor says “That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.”
A Russian doctor says “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”
The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says “You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for two years, and now half the country is looking for work.”
Blakk Frogg questions the intelligence of many people on a regular basis. Why? Because he reads stuff like this all the time; and it never ceases to amaze him that people like this have survived as long as they have.
Stupid Person #1
Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. “We don’t have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter. “You don’t?” I replied. “We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was the reply. “So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?” “That’s right.” So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
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Stupid Person #2
Police in Radnor, Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.
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Stupid Person #3
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine. The Mother says, I just gave him some ant killer….. Dispatcher: Rush him in to Emergency Room!
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Oh damn, folks. The infamous Blakk Frogg has DARED to tackle the subjects of ‘honesty’ AND ‘women’ at the same time. Yep. He must have a death wish.
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So. . . Who wants to kill him now? You? How about you? Or you in the corner?
Truth be told, Blakk Frogg knows plenty of good-hearted, non-gold-digger females. He did, however find that shirt amusing. Deal with it.
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the Holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview. “I’m Gayle Payne from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a fuckin’ wall.”
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There were five Houses of Worship in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.
Due to some seriously bad fires in the surrounding forests, each House of Worship found itself overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
In the BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The METHODIST CHURCH got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But — The CATHOLIC CHURCH came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard about the JEWISH SYNAGOGUE, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called ‘circumcision’ and they haven’t seen a squirrel on the property since.
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A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees.
After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains “Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer.”
She figures 3 times in 30 years isn’t bad and asks “But what about the $1,000?”
He replied, “Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them”
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A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving”. The mother went in and told her son, “we don’t use that kind of language in this house.” Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don’t want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today”.
“For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
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There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep.
Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them “Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna’ land in…. and there it’ll be!”
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out “Bananas!” and lands in a pool of bananas.
The second guy was money hungry and yelled out “Money!” and lands in a pile of money.
The third guy gets a running start, slips on a banana peel left over from the first guy, and yells out “Shit!” as he sails clumsily off the end of the diving board….
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Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch? The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the little sapling. The birch says, Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.
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Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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