Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Once upon a time a gal left her guy for a handsome prince.

Within 6 months, the guy had money in the bank, room for his clothes in the closet, could set down his razor in the bathroom without having to move a hair dryer or cosmetics, hired a maid to do his cleaning and laundry, ate great meals at the local restaurants, and was free to go to a bar and watch football whenever he wanted. His sex life? Don’t get me started.

The End

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”

The girl said “No” and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

The End

A turtle was sitting one day in the woods, just about to crack open a beer when the neighborhood bunny comes hopping up to his stoop.

“Don’t drink that beer. Come frolick and jump and play in the woods with me!”

SO the turtle does just that, and runs off into the woods with the rabbit.

Down the road, a deer was looking to eat some shrooms when the bunny and the turtle came bouncing around.

“Dont eat those ‘shrooms, dear old friend Mr. Deer, come folick and jump and dance and play in the fields with the turtle and me!”

So the deer put down his shrooms and went off hopping with the bunny and the turtle.

A little bit further down the road, a bear was rolling a joint and getting ready to get high when the bunny, the turtle and the deer came bouncing up to him.

“Oh, great Mr. bear, dont smoke that weed, come frolick and jump and dance and sing and pl…”

Mr. bear knocked the bunny out cold with an overhand right, much to the stunned silence of the turtle and the deer.

“What did you do that for?” asked the turtle.

“I fucking hate it when that damn bunny’s on ecstasy.”

Several men are in the locker room of a very prestigious and expensive golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, …go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$60,000”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing…the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Some people in West Virginia have trouble with all those “shalls” and “shall nots” in the in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren’t used to talking in those terms. So, some folks in middle West Virginia got together and translated the “King James” into “Mountain Country” language.

The Hillbilly’s Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at a West Virginia Church)

1. Just one God.
2. Honor yer Ma & Pa.
3. No tellin’ tales or gossipin’.
4. Git yourself to Sunday meetin’.
5. Put nothin’ before God.
6. No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.
7. No killin’.
8. Watch yer mouth.
9. Don’t take what ain’t yers.
10. Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff.

Now that’s kinda plain an’ simple, don’t ya think? Y’all have a nice day!

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Another weekend has come and gone. Cases of beer, a bag of charcoal for the grill, and countless pieces of grilled meat have all gone away. Now we turn and face the most horrible of things any human ever encounters: a Monday.

How shall we get through this tragic, yet necessary, day? With humor, that’s how.

Sexy Cowgirl Not Happy With Monday

Hot Woman Wants to Make Monday Better

Stay tuned for the next installment of Adult MySpace Comments because, well, we said so.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash…….. Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Two patients limp into two different Medical Clinics with the same complaint.

Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another month, and finally has his surgery scheduled for a year from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever; The second is a Senior Citizen.

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