Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Admit it… You wish YOU knew 20 ways to play with a pussy — that wouldn’t get you arrested! Except in Georgia, Alabama, Kentucky, and parts of Wisconsin.

Yep. 20 ways to make that pussy purr. Are ya’ ready?

Oh, wait… what kind of pussy were YOU thinking about? You PERVERT!

So… Do gasoline additives really help make cars drive a bit further on a tank of gas? After some research we have determined that some do, and some don’t.

We all want to know how we can stretch our gasoline budget just a little further, right? Of course we do! With gas prices clearly over the $4 mark in a lot of the country most of us have started doing ANYthing we can to get better gas mileage.

That dumb bastard, however, appeared to have other motives for his use of a ‘gas additive’ and although we didn’t actually log any miles on the test vehicle, we have concluded that man-made, all natural beer-induced fuel additives will not stretch a person’s fuel budget.

Take the do-it-yourself, home version of the ‘Are You a Douchebag Test’ today. Step 1 — Look at the picture & study its details. Step 2 — Look in the mirror. Step 3 — Determine the number of similarities between yourself and the guy in the picture. Step 4 — If number of similarities exceeds ’1′, kill yourself immediately.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Every once in a while we all need to hear a few positive words of encouragement to help us get through the day. Well, it just so happens that Blakk Frogg some very positive, uplifting words for MOST of you today:

At Least You’re Not a Fucking Loser… Like These People.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

For the rest of you, though, I see you trying to hide in the background while you dry hump your favorite hand-drawn cartoon chick on a pillow!

Looking for the perfect invitation to send your friends when you feel like grabbing some super spicy Thai food for lunch or dinner? Look no further!

Thai Native Noodles Makes the Rectum Flame!

The foundation of any relationship usually has something to do with communication. When a man and woman in a committed relationship spend a lot of time trying to figure out what thought each other has on their mind, they miss out on so many opportunities to call a divorce attorney.

The couple below will not have that problem.

Wear Your Thoughts in the Open!

As children many of you faced hardships resulting from other children stealing your toys in the sand box, stealing your toys on the playground, taking your toys in the classroom, and outright stealing your bike while you swam in the local watering hole.

Looking back, don’t you wish you had a superhero or, perhaps, a large group of muscle-bound giants that would go after the bad, mean thief and pound their brains into a flat, mushy brain pancake?

Who Stole Your Bike? Let’s Get Him!

If you ever wondered what the most beautiful picture of True, Everlasting Love looked like, well, Blakk Frogg thinks he may have found it:

What Does Everlasting Love REALLY Look Like?

Blakk Frogg says, “If you must die during a moment of passion, and not one by yourself, have the courtesy to let the other person get on top first!”

While some of you may have looked at the title of this post and thought, “Oh, Frogg, that’s ridiculous! Why would a grown man or woman ever DO such a thing?!?”

Frogg’s answer: Because, as George Carlin (RIP) said, “FARTS ARE FUNNY!”

At least the sounds associated with them. The noxious, repulsive, toxic, and occasionally suffocating odors associated with them on the other hand, no one with a sense of smell laughs at THOSE.

No Laughing at Other People’s Farts?

So the next time some old man rips a dinosaur blast two stalls down, do not hesitate to laugh. Just remember that the more you laugh, the more air tainted with fossil fart fumes you will have to take in immediately afterward.

As we get older thoughts about our past ex-lovers almost always cross our minds and sometimes we find ourselves staring in the mirror at ourselves and asking, “Seriously? Why in the HELL did I ever date THAT bitch/bastard?!?!?”

Then, like a bolt of lightning up our ass, we realize just how wasted we got for every waking moment of the relationship. Beer after beer, shot after shot, and ‘questionable substance’ after ‘questionable substance’.

Without a doubt we could have avoided those unsavory tramps and assholes if we had used our brains… relied on common sense… laid off the hooch… put down the fifth… didn’t inhale… and more or less ‘just said NO!’