Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

An atheist decided to take a walk through the woods. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charging towards him. His heart pumped frantically. As he tried to run, he tripped and fell to the ground.

As he rolled over to pick himself and continue running he saw that the bear had caught up to him and stood tall, raising its paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant he cried out: “Oh my God!”

Time stopped, the bear froze in place, and the forest had fallen silent.

Suddenly a bright light shined down upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying, You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light. “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?”

Very well, said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the rest resumed.

And the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke “Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen.”

Americas Best MySpace Animals Comments

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Mmmmm Mmmmm Good. Athiest stew. Sounds like a yummy food.

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears o! ne of them say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country . . we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man.? “Who talkin’ abouta’ sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda’ how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”

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Too bad one of the men didn’t have a Sarcastic MySpace Comment to ‘throw at the old bag, right?

In other news, a string of seemingly unrelated car crashes throughout the city baffled police for hours until once very astute patrolman noticed a ‘suspicious’ woman seen walking in the background of all the surveillance tapes taken from the areas surrounding each car wreck.

Immediately an APB (All Points Bulletin) went out over the radio and within minutes an officer spotted the woman and confronted her.  Here’s what happened:

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The officer issued the woman a ‘warning’ and released the woman without incident.

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Yep. Some women really love Sarcasm and others really like Blakk Frogg…….

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?”

“But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!”

“Johnny,” the father said. “You don’t do those kind of things to women.”

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!”

“But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”

Americas Best Humor/Sarcasm Website

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Find Girls for MySpace that are MUCH hotter than Johnny’s teacher here.

A girl goes to confession.

“Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.”

“Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked.

“Because, Father, he touched me on my arm without permission.”

“Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father he also touched my breasts.”

“You mean like this??” He touches her breasts.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father, he took off my clothes.”

“Like this??” He takes off her clothes.

“Yes Father.”

“That’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But Father he then put his you-know-what… in my you-know-where… and he wasn’t even using a condom.”

“Like this??” He put his you-know-what… in her you-know-where… without a condom.

“Yes father,” she says sometime later… after Father had finished with his you-know-what… in her you-know-where.

“But that’s no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.”

“But father,” the girl says… “He has AIDS.”

“THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!”

Americas Best Humor/Sarcasm Website

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Find more offensive jokes like that on Simply Frogg, but only if you promise to wash your hands thoroughly afterwards.

One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, “You have crabs”

She informed the doctor that it could not be crabs because she was an eighty-year old virgin.

She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, “You probably have crabs” “NO” she said, “I am an eighty year old virgin.”

Frustrated, she went to a third doctor. She said, “Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it’s crabs because I am an eighty-year old virgin. It can’t be crabs.”

The doctor said, jump on the table and let’s have a look.”

After examining her the doctor proclaimed,

“Ma’am, you”re right, you don’t have crabs, this cherry is so old, you have fruit flies!

Americas Best Humor/Sarcasm Website

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Find disgustingly funny MySpace Sex Comment Pictures

Two business men in NY City are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn’t ready only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other, “I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hillbilly from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in a deep Southern drawl asks, “What’re y’all sellin’ here?”

One of the men replies, “Oh! We’re selling assholes here.”

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, “Well, I see y’all’re doing really good, you only got two left!”

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Stop calling Blakk Frogg an asshole just because he loves Sarcasm.

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned!

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

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Go and check out Sarcastic MySpace Comments …… if you dare!

Bad: You can’t find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter “borrowed” it.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son’s room.
Worse: You’re in it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.

Bad: Your husband’s a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Bad: Your son’s involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.

Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wife’s arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You’re arrested.
Worse: By your husband.

Good: The postman’s early.
Bad: He’s wearing camos and has an AK-47.

Good: The secretary said “yes.”
Bad: Your wife says “no.”
Worse: Wife caught the two of you and screamed, “Oh HELL no!”

Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He’s gay.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get a three-day weekend.
Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It’s performance art.

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter’s the headliner.

Good: Your boyfriend’s exercising.
Bad: So he’ll fit in your clothes.

Good: Your car conveniently “runs out of gas.”
Bad: For real.

Good: Your child’s “waiting for Mr. Right”.
Bad: Your son, that is.

Good: Your daughter’s on the Pill.
Bad: She’s thirteen.

Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your son’s doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It’s counterfeit.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter’s the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She’s coming home.

Good: Your wife’s kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.

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Good: You made it to Happy Hour
Bad: All the beer’s gone. Blakk Frogg would cry…..

An older guy was somewhat lonely and decided he needed a pet to keep him company. So, off to the pet shop he went. He searched and searched but none of the pets seemed to catch his interest… except for this ugly frog. As he walked by the jar it was in, he looked and it winked at him.

It whispered, “I’m so lonely, too. Buy me and take me home with you. You won’t ever be lonely again.”

The old guy figured, what the heck… He hadn’t found anything else. So, he bought the frog and he placed it in the car on the front seat beside him.

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As he was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to him, “Kiss me and you won’t be sorry.”

So the old guy figured, what the heck, and kissed the frog.

Immediately The frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, beautiful princess.

The princess then returned the old man’s kiss.

Suddenly, the old guy felt himself changing from her kiss.

Can you guess what he turned into?

C’mon…. Be a sport. Take a guess.

He turned into…

The first motel he could find!

He’s old…. not DEAD!

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