Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, an unknown number of hares and… 1 pussy.

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In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”.

With a little patience, you’ll be able to fit right in… Now, here goes…

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service somewhere in the good old USA today…

Room Service : “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

Guest : “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

Room Service: ” Rye . Roon sirbees…morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???”

Guest: “Uh….. Yes, I’d like to order bacon and eggs.”

Room Service: “Ow July den?”

Guest: “…..What??”

Room Service: “Ow July den?!?… pryed, boyud, poochd?”

Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please.”

Room Service: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”

Guest: “Crisp will be fine.”

Room Service: “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”

Guest: “What?”

Room Service: “An toes. July Sahn toes?”

Guest: “I… don’t think so.”

Room Service: “No? Judo wan sahn toes???”

Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”

Room Service: “Toes! Toes!…Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”

Guest: “Oh, English muffin!!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘toast’… Fine…Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

Room Service: “We bodder?”

Guest: “No, just put the bodder on the side.”

Room Service: “Wad?!?”

Guest: “I mean butter… just put the butter on the side”

Room Service: “Copy?”

Guest: “Excuse me?”

Room Service: “Copy…tea..meel?”

Guest: “Yes. Coffee, please… and that’s everything.”

Room Service: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy … rye??”

Guest: “Whatever you say.”

Room Service: “Tenjooberrymuds.”

Guest: “You’re welcome”

Remember I said “By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ‘TENJOOBERRYMUDS’ “…..and you do, don’t you!

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After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It’s all so beautiful, God,” Eve replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights — everything is so wonderful; but I have just one problem. It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain,” reported Eve.

Eve went on to tell God that, since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced”.

“That’s a fair point,” replied God. “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.” And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “except for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has a bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a minute, and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now, let’s see … where did I put that useless boob?”

Now doesn’t that make more sense than that story about the rib?

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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

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The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

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Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”.

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Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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Find other strange and unusual ‘sex-related’ comments and jokes on Simply Frogg.

A RUSSIAN AND A REDNECK WRESTLER WERE SET TO SQUARE OFF FOR THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL. BEFORE THE FINAL MATCH, THE REDNECK WRESTLER’S TRAINER CAME TO HIM AND SAID, “NOW, DON’T FORGET ALL THE RESEARCH WE’VE DONE ON THIS RUSSIAN. HE’S NEVER LOST A MATCH BECAUSE OF THIS ‘PRETZEL’ HOLD HE HAS. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET HIM GET YOU IN THAT HOLD! IF HE DOES, YOU’RE FINISHED”;

THE REDNECK NODDED IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT.

AS THE MATCH STARTED, THE REDNECK AND THE RUSSIAN CIRCLED EACH OTHER SEVERAL TIMES, LOOKING FOR AN OPENING.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE RUSSIAN LUNGED FORWARD, GRABBING THE REDNECK AND WRAPPING HIM UP IN THE DREADED PRETZEL HOLD. A SIGH OF DISAPPOINTMENT AROSE FROM THE CROWD AND THE TRAINER BURIED HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS, FOR HE KNEW ALL WAS LOST. HE COULDN’T WATCH THE INEVITABLE HAPPEN.

SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A SCREAM, THEN A CHEER FROM THE CROWD AND THE TRAINER RAISED HIS EYES JUST IN TIME TO WATCH THE RUSSIAN GO FLYING UP IN THE AIR. HIS BACK HIT THE MAT WITH A THUD AND THE REDNECK COLLAPSED ON TOP OF HIM MAKING THE PIN AND WINNING THE MATCH.

THE TRAINER WAS ASTOUNDED. WHEN HE FINALLY GOT HIS WRESTLER ALONE, HE ASKED, “HOW DID YOU EVER GET OUT OF THAT HOLD? NO ONE HAS EVER DONE IT BEFORE!”

THE WRESTLER ANSWERED “WELL, I WAS READY TO GIVE UP WHEN HE GOT ME IN THAT HOLD BUT AT THE LAST MOMENT, I OPENED MY EYES AND SAW THIS PAIR OF TESTICLES RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. I HAD NOTHING TO LOSE SO WITH MY LAST OUNCE OF STRENGTH I STRETCHED OUT MY NECK AND BIT THOSE BABIES JUST AS HARD AS I COULD.”

SO THE TRAINER EXCLAIMED, “THAT’S WHAT FINISHED HIM OFF?!?!”

“NOT REALLY. YOU’D BE AMAZED HOW STRONG YOU GET WHEN YOU BITE YOUR OWN NUTS.”

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Blakk Frogg strongly advises against biting one’s own balls. That shit sounds quite….. painful.

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A professor at University of Arkansas was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks,

“How many people here believe in Ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands. “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

About 15 students raise their hand.

“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

3 students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”

Way in the back, Bubba the redneck raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Bubba, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”

Bubba replied, “Shiiiit! From way back there I thought you was talkin’ ’bout “Goats.”

—————–

When desperate for sex and out of goats, sometimes a person has to lower their standards a bit…..

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Stop and ask yourself if you’ve missed out on any of the really cool stuff posted by Blakk Frogg over the past 30 days.  If you cannot say that you have read EVERY popular post, well, now’s your chance!

The top 10 most popular posts on Da’ Blakk Frogg Blog for the past 30 days begins…..  NOW:

• Definition of Perfect Woman
• Take the ‘Are You Gay’ Test for Guys
• Oral Sex, People! Oral Sex!
• Strange Pussy in the Apartment
• Dirty Feet Fetish? Just…. WHY?
• Why Some Girls Get Bad Grades
• Link to Shoplifting Seagull Video
• Popular Americas Best MySpace Comments (Sept 2007)
• Shave That Pussy Please
• Drunk Dialing Rule Book

So there you have the ten most popular postings for the last 30 days. Once you’ve read them all you can tell all your friends that you’re cooler than cool, hotter than hot, etc.

Then one of your friends will smack you back down to reality and all will be right with the world once more.

Have a nice day.

 – blakk frogg

And now for a short, quick joke…..

Q: What is a Dairy Queen
A: A gay milkman

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So simple that you’ll tell all your friends. Juast admit it, OK? Then find more free jokes at Simply Frogg.

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and puts the guy’s dick in the clamp. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, “STOP! STOP! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO.. TO.. CUT IT OFF, ARE YOU???!?”

The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye:

“Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire.”

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Blakk Frogg has seen a case where ‘sex’ and fire have come together in the past…..

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