19 Feb, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic|Sex|Sex Joke
A hug leads to a kiss… a kiss leads 2 a finger… a finger leads to a hand… a hand leads to a lick… lick leads to a suck… a suck leads 2 a fuck.
So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this ‘cuz sex is like math:
“You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs… leave your solution… and pray you don’t Multiply!”
19 Feb, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sex Joke
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is”.
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.” The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750”.
Man – “Sold.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy -“$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.
The Doctor says: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
The Doctor says: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
Translation: I don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
The Doctor says: “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”
Translation: I think I’m going to throw up.
The Doctor says: “This may smart a little.”
Translation: Last week two patients bit through their tongues.
The Doctor says: “Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?”
Translation: I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.
The Doctor says: “This should fix you up.”
Translation: The drug salesman who took me to lunch last week guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.
The Doctor says: “Everything seems to be normal.”
Translation: I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.
The Doctor says: “I’d like to run some more tests.”
Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the geeky kid in the lab can solve this one.
The Doctor says: “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”
Translation: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.
The Doctor says: “Why don’t you slip out of your things.”
Translation: I don’t enjoy this any more than you do, but I’ve got to warm my fingers up somehow.
The Doctor says: “If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment next week.”
Translation: I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.
The Doctor says: “There is a lot of that going around.”
Translation: My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall, not really doing anything. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, “I make $300 a week. Why?”
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”
From across the room came a voice, “He was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
17 Feb, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Alcohol|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Millions of people worldwide searched for this doll over the Holidays last year and, well, Blakk Frogg uncovered the reason WHY no one could find them on store shelves…
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee… He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed upthat there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
“I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday….”
“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”
Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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16 Feb, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Bodily Functions|Funny Jokes|Gross|Humor|Jokes|Sex|Sex Joke
A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love passionately to her new husband, stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes, and accidentally let out an enormous fart.
She looked up bashfully, and said, “Aww. So sorry… Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!”
15 Feb, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sex|Sex Joke
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.
“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”
She looked down at his shoes and said: “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”
14 Feb, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic|Sex|Sex Joke
“In My Bed, Thinking of You…”
As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this
strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I
can’t forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly
during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in
my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.
Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments
You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any
reservations, you laid on my naked body…you sensed
my indifference, so you started to bite my body
without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me
crazy while you sucked me dry.
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Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you
were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only
the sheets bore witness to last night’s events.
My body still shows your marks, making it harder to
forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for
you… as soon you appear I will quickly grab you and
won’t let you go, will hold you with all my strength
so you won’t disappear. Won’t rest until l squeeze
your blood out….. you fucking little mosquito.
14 Feb, 2008
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sex|Sex Joke
Blakk Frogg says, “Vanity can lead a man to an ugly truth he’d rather not know.”
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: “Not this time!”
