Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

BLONDE LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away? Florida or the moon?”

The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you SEE Florida?”

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her shiny red BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, What’s the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the motor”

She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

RIVER WALK

There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, You ARE on the other side.”

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”

“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

DOGS

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“HELLLOOOOOOO…..,” answered the blond. “They’re watch dogs!”

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the h___ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

——————-

And yes, Blakk Frogg works in an office — when he’s not at Happy Hour.

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below …

GUTS: is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS: is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating.

I asked why.

She said, “Because I am trying to examine you.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, “Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post, and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ‘urges’. That’s why we have the camel.”

The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about ‘urges’, so the camel can stay.”

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he’s done, he asks the Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it?”

“No, not really, sir. They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.”

My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”

She looked at me and said, “You did this to me you bastard!”

I casually replied, “If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your butt… and you said, ‘No, it’ll be too painful.’

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

A mother was ironing the clean laundry one day. Her son asked her, “Mother, why are you ironing those clothes?”

His mother said, “To make them nice and wrinkle free.”

Her son said, “Then, why don’t you iron Grandma’s face?

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.

Americas Best MySpace Motorcycles Comments

“Oh, boy! I’m glad you’re here,” the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother’s side.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because now Daddy will do the trick he’s been promising us.”

“What trick?”

“Well, he told Mommy that if you came to visit, he would climb the walls.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone.

I said “Morning.”

He said, “No, just taking a shit.”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments