Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asked Darla, “How do you spell ‘dumb’?”

Darla said, “D-u-m-b, dumb.”

The teacher said, “Very good. Now use it in a sentence.”

The girl said, “Buckwheat is dumb.”

Now spell “stupid.”

Darla said, “S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid.”

The teacher said, “Very good. Now use it in a sentence.”

Darla said, “Buckwheat is stupid.”

Then the teacher called on Buckwheat and said, “Buckwheat, spell ‘dictate.'”

Buckwheat stood up and said, “D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate.”

The teacher replied, “Very good. Now use it in a sentence.”

“I may be dumb, and I may be stupid. . . . but Darla says my dictate good.”

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A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she’s telling them that the word of the day is ‘contagious.’ She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands.

“Carl,” she says.

Carl says, “My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps ’cause they’re contagious.”

“Very good,” says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, “The atmosphere was contagious.”

The teacher says, “Excellent, Suzie!”

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. “Yes, Johnny?”

Johnny says, “The other day, me and my dad’s a-sittin’ around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, ‘Jesus, it’s gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'”

[ Taco Bell Dog Addicted to Heroin? ]

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A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, Preacher, I sure am.”

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked.

“Nooo, I didn’t!” said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”

“Noooo, I have not, Reverend.”

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?”

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher… “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

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Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can’t stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it’s that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

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Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren’t you glad you use it? Don’t you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey — you never know.

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going…

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can’t have just one.

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An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of Hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting Through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally Qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one Question. Their answer would determine which of them would get The job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference Room table.

The interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you Know of?’

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man Replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer. ‘And now You sir?’ He asked the second man.

Hmm.! … Let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and You don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.

Excellent!’ said the interviewer. ‘The blink of an Eye, that’s a very popular clich? for speed.’

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating His reply.

Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the House and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that Switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on In less than an instant. Yep,TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.’

The interviewer was very impressed with the third Answer and thought he had found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the Speed of light,’ he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the Interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After Hearing the three previous answers, It’s obvious to me that the Fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’

‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

‘Oh I can explain.’ said Old Bubba. ‘You see the other Day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, Before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already Shit my pants.’

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A fleeing al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through
the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find
water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man
at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, “Do you have any water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5.”

The Arab shouted, “Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an
overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water
first.”

“OK ,” said the old Jew, “it does not matter that you do not want to buy
a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am a bigger person.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom.”

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. “Your brother
won’t let me in without a tie.”

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A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you are having sex?”

“Well, yes, I actually did once.”

“And how did your husband look?”

“Angry, very angry.”

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well that’s very interesting, we must look into this further.

“Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband’s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?”

“He was looking through the window at us!”

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A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get ‘it’ in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get ‘it’ all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”

“Hmmm… that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher.

“Would you mind if I had a look at it?”

So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!

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It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist’s daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.

The teacher said, I’ll bet these are flowers!? The girl replied, “How did you know?”

“Just a lucky guess,” she said.

Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “Just a lucky guess.”

Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box’s corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine.

The boy said, “No.”

She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne.

The boy again said no.

Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.

He said happily, “A puppy!”

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Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.

Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

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