Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a Headstone that reads: “Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever “

Yeah? She replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a Headstone that reads: “Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last”

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Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and Says, “And you are no good in bed either,” And storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the Phone after many rings, and the irritated husband Says, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”

“In bed this early? Doing what?”

She calmly replied, “Getting a second opinion!”

A man has six children and is very proud of his Achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, “Mother of Six” in spite of her Objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his Voice, “Shall we go home ‘Mother of Six?’

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four.”

Finally, the guys’ side of the story comes to light. We always hear “the rules” from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note… these are all numbered “1” …. ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Everyone loves a winner, so here Blakk Frogg has listed the 5 Popular Americas-Best.Com MySpace Comments for May 2008. . . just for you, sweet cheeks!

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Looking for some Girls for MySpace? If so, then check out Girls for MySpace right away — or at your convenience. Blakk Frogg really doesn’t care which.

An Israeli doctor says “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

A German doctor says “That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.”

A Russian doctor says “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”

The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says “You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for two years, and now half the country is looking for work.”

Shame on you. . . But thanks for dropping by! Blakk Frogg summoned you here, or more like tricked you into coming here, so he could show you this:

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Get the hint? Blakk Frogg put a lot of effort into making your life a little more interesting so you could at LEAST take a look, right?

‘Cuz if you don’t, well, this might happen to you on your way to drop off those pornographic DVD you rented last night:

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Blakk Frogg questions the intelligence of many people on a regular basis. Why? Because he reads stuff like this all the time; and it never ceases to amaze him that people like this have survived as long as they have.

Stupid Person #1

Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. “We don’t have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter. “You don’t?” I replied. “We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was the reply. “So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?” “That’s right.” So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

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Stupid Person #2

Police in Radnor, Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

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Stupid Person #3

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine. The Mother says, I just gave him some ant killer….. Dispatcher: Rush him in to Emergency Room!

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Oh damn, folks. The infamous Blakk Frogg has DARED to tackle the subjects of ‘honesty’ AND ‘women’ at the same time. Yep. He must have a death wish.

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So. . . Who wants to kill him now? You? How about you? Or you in the corner?

Truth be told, Blakk Frogg knows plenty of good-hearted, non-gold-digger females. He did, however find that shirt amusing. Deal with it.

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor of a small town in Ireland.

One day he was walking down the high street, when he noticed a young lady from his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn’t happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the young woman.

“Miss Fitzgerald”, he said sternly. “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?

“Sure”, she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar she began to weave back and forth.

The Reverend realizing that she’d had far too much to drink grabbed her arms to steady her. As he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around on the floor for a minute or two, the Reverend somehow wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist revealing she had no undies on.

The pub landlord looked over and said, “Aye, mate, we won’t have any of that sort carrying on in this here pub.”

The embarrassed reverend looked up at the landlord and said, “But sir, ya don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fluff.”

The landlord nodded and said, “Oh well, if ye’re that far in lad, ya’ might just as well finish the job.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments