Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Once upon a time a gal left her guy for a handsome prince.

Within 6 months, the guy had money in the bank, room for his clothes in the closet, could set down his razor in the bathroom without having to move a hair dryer or cosmetics, hired a maid to do his cleaning and laundry, ate great meals at the local restaurants, and was free to go to a bar and watch football whenever he wanted. His sex life? Don’t get me started.

The End

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”

The girl said “No” and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

The End

A turtle was sitting one day in the woods, just about to crack open a beer when the neighborhood bunny comes hopping up to his stoop.

“Don’t drink that beer. Come frolick and jump and play in the woods with me!”

SO the turtle does just that, and runs off into the woods with the rabbit.

Down the road, a deer was looking to eat some shrooms when the bunny and the turtle came bouncing around.

“Dont eat those ‘shrooms, dear old friend Mr. Deer, come folick and jump and dance and play in the fields with the turtle and me!”

So the deer put down his shrooms and went off hopping with the bunny and the turtle.

A little bit further down the road, a bear was rolling a joint and getting ready to get high when the bunny, the turtle and the deer came bouncing up to him.

“Oh, great Mr. bear, dont smoke that weed, come frolick and jump and dance and sing and pl…”

Mr. bear knocked the bunny out cold with an overhand right, much to the stunned silence of the turtle and the deer.

“What did you do that for?” asked the turtle.

“I fucking hate it when that damn bunny’s on ecstasy.”

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

“Stand back! I don’t know how big this thing gets!!”

Several men are in the locker room of a very prestigious and expensive golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, …go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$60,000”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing…the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, “Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me.”

His wife was hurt, but said, “Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you.”

They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, “I’m sorry darling, and I’ve been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we’re being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation; I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me.”

The husband froze at the top of his back swing, and then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.

He screamed and ranted, “You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul…and all these years you’ve been playing off the ladies tees!”

Some things are sacred.

As Blakk Frogg has figured out through countless failed attempts at things at various stages in his life, no one can accomplish a task without the right tool for the job.  Unfortunately, however, some fellas mistake their manhood as a tool for ANY job. . .

Take, for example, this dumb ass motherfrogger who thought his weiner would work as a muffler cleaner.

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Yep. Some people really think WAAAAAY too highly of their private parts and try to use them in, well, inappropriate ways.

Blakk Frogg hopes someone starts the vehicle, he gets stuck in that oh-so-manly position, and dies from accidental inhalation(?) of carbon monoxide fumes through his weiner.

P.S. —-> At no time in the life of Blakk Frogg did he EVER think he’d see that shit — even on the Internet!

Some people in West Virginia have trouble with all those “shalls” and “shall nots” in the in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren’t used to talking in those terms. So, some folks in middle West Virginia got together and translated the “King James” into “Mountain Country” language.

The Hillbilly’s Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at a West Virginia Church)

1. Just one God.
2. Honor yer Ma & Pa.
3. No tellin’ tales or gossipin’.
4. Git yourself to Sunday meetin’.
5. Put nothin’ before God.
6. No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.
7. No killin’.
8. Watch yer mouth.
9. Don’t take what ain’t yers.
10. Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff.

Now that’s kinda plain an’ simple, don’t ya think? Y’all have a nice day!

Looks like you survived the early part of the week without too much damage. Therefore Blakk Frogg felt you deserved a special sexy treat — like triplets!

Sexy Triplets Wish You Happy Hump Day

Now if you can just make it to the weekend in one piece you’ll be doing just fine. Why? ‘Cuz Blakk Frogg plans on posting a new Sex on Saturday this week!

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