Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put u and i together
Woman: Really, I’d put f and u together

As ususal we have waded through about half a billion emails asking us to PLEASE post the most popular postings on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog. . . and since we FEEL like it, we will do just that. Only THIS time we will break them down into two of the more popular categories: Redneck and MySpace Comments for your convenience.

Redneck. . .

• Best Redneck MySpace Comment
• Redneck Pickup Lines
• Letter From Marine at Bootcamp
• Hillbilly Dumb Wives
• You Might be a Redneck

MySpace Comments. . .

• Popular Adult MySpace Comments
• Sexual/Adult MySpace Comments
• Popular Sexual/Adult MySpace Comments
• More Adult MySpace Comments
• Sexual/Adult MySpace Comments 2

So there you have it, folks. . . more proff that people spend quite a lot of time searching for things like Sarcastic, Redneck and Adult MySpace Comments.

Now have a redneck & dirty day, dang it!

Over the years many different varieties of body piercings, anatomical mutilations and exhibitions of (literal) human art have passed before the eyes of Blakk Frogg and recently a new alteration of the human body surfaced: Breast Implants for a Tattoo.

Sarcastic MySpace Comments Says, “Bigger Breasts, Please!”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments Says, “Bigger Breasts, Please!”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments Says, “Bigger Breasts, Please!”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments Says, “Bigger Breasts, Please!”

I hope this breast implant blog entry has given hope to all of you who thought you had to go through life with a flat chested tattoo on your body.

God says to Adam, “I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?”

Adam says, “Tell me the good news first.”

God says, “I’m going to give you a penis and a brain. You’ll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect.”

Adam replies, “Wonderful! But what’s the bad news?”

God says, “I’m only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time.”

Many members of the American public deem it improper to spank children, as I have learned while whooping my son’s misbehaving butt in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Therefore I have had to come up with another method to get my point across when my son throws his little tantrums and has one of his ‘moments.’

One method that I have found particularly effective involves taking my child for a car ride and talking to them in a calm, rational manner.

I suppose the vibration from the car soothes their nerves, or perhaps the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc. helps.

I cannot say for sure what it is, really, but it works. My son calms down and immediately stops misbehaving after our little car ride.

One more tip: Make sure you make eye contact often during the car ride so your child knows you mean business.

Here’s a snapshot of our last ride together. Gotta’ love these new cellphone cameras, right? So useful and convenient. . .

Sarcastic MySpace Comments Says, “Up Yours!”

This method works well with grandchildren, nieces, and nephews as well.

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in and she says, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment”.

He, thinking it’s his lucky day, makes love to her over the kitchen table.

Afterwards he says, “What was that all about?”

She says, “the egg timer’s broken.”

We all face bad times in life. Some people get hit by cars, some people cut their limbs off with chainsaws by accident, some people fall off buildings, some people get audited by the IRS, and some people. . . don’t get picked for cheerleading.

Americas Best MySpace Girls Comments

So the next time you find yourself face down in a gutter with a gun pointed at the back of your head, just remember that you could have not gotten picked for cheerleading!

A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON’S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP. THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED, “DAD.”

WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD,

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I’M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.

I’VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCINGS, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES.

BUT IT’S NOT ONLY THE PASSION, DAD – SHE’S PREGNANT AND BARBARA ASSURES ME THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY.

EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T CARE FOR HER SINCE SHE IS SO MUCH OLDER THAN I AM, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD — ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE WINTER.

SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT’S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN’T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE’LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE NEED.

IN THE MEANTIME, WE PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO THAT BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!

DON’T WORRY, DAD, I’M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I’M SURE WE’LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON, JOHN

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I’M OVER AT BILLY’S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD WHICH IS IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER.

I LOVE YOU!

PS: CALL WHEN IT’S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Americas Best MySpace Animal Comments